Authentic Dating: A Radical Idea


Young couple spending time together in restaurant

Young couple spending time together in restaurant

“It’s impossible to meet your ‘soul-mate’ if, while dating, you show up with someone else’s soul”. ~LMB

There is a huge propensity in the dating world to pretend to be someone you’re not in order to “get” the guy or girl. Dating “experts” stress the importance of looking good, saying the right things and making yourself attractive to the other person. In the end, people in search of Mr. or Ms. Right, go about their search all wrong. Many daters dress the way they think their date would like them to dress. They say what they believe the other person would like to hear. They act as they think this stranger might want them to act and, in essence, they become someone they’re not and hope that being this alter ego will help them find their soul mate.

Pretending to be someone you’re not will not find you your soul mate or even someone who is potentially a good fit for you. How could it possibly if “you” aren’t the one showing up to the dates? If you try to act funny, easy-going and sweet, yet your personality is more serious, a bit uptight and straightforward then you’re pulling a con-job on both you and the person you’re on the date with. Good Lord, knock it off! Really—just stop that craziness right now. There is no justifiable reason to become someone you’re not on a date. Why in the world would you want to do that? Do you possibly think that you could pull off that deception for another 10 dates or, God forbid, 10 years? Let me help you with that answer–of course not. Nor would you want to.

If you’re not happy with who you are, then work on you before you start dating. Become your best self—your best self, not some other person whom  you don’t even recognize. When you’re able to step into the world as authentically you, the right people will be attracted to you. Only then will you have any chance of truly finding the person who actually adds to your life and enhances it in ways you never thought possible.

Once you have found your authentic self, step in and be unabashedly you. Have fun on dates…if you’re the fun type. Have philosophical conversations if you’re the deep thinker type. Talk about how great life is if you’re the grateful type. Whatever “type” you are—embrace it. Show up on your dates ready to be you. Dress as you like to dress. Answer questions the way you would genuinely answer questions. And, also, be aware of the basics about being relational. Don’t spend the entire date talking about you or your ex or ogling other men/women or getting trashed and making a fool of yourself. In essence—don’t be a jerk. If you can manage that, the rest will fall into place.

Challenge: If you’re entering the dating arena, do so from a healthy place, not a desperate one. Be authentically you and step in as the chooser, NOT the choosee. Don’t try to be “enough” for the other person to like you. Instead, decide if your date is the right choice for you. Trust yourself by being true to yourself, trust the process by being genuine and, in the end, don’t try so damn hard. 🙂


  1. says

    Dating in a relationship tends to allow you to get yo know the person you are in a relationship with. Aside from that, it also allows you to become familiar with the object of your affections.

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