The 5 Most Common Edges (Part II)

As I wrote last week, our “edge” is that relationally-dysfunctional move we do in times of stress or conflict—when we are reactive rather than mindful. Last week I spoke about defensiveness and acting passive-aggressive (http://lisamerlobooth.com/5-common-edges-part/. Below are the remaining three most common edges: 1. Rage: Raging shows up as any or all of the following: […]

The 5 Most Common Edges and What to Do About Them (Part I)

Our “edge” is that relationally-dysfunctional move we do in times of stress or conflict. It’s the move we do when we’re reactive, rather than mindful. ALL human beings have edges. And most of us have two or three edges that show up time and time again with anyone and everyone. You see, the thing about […]

A Message to Women: Don’t Collude

Many of us are acutely aware of the harmful messages our world sends to men and women. These messages put both genders in a box that’s difficult to get out of. For men, the messages center around “manning up.” For women, they center around “sexing up.” This post is for the women. The world objectifies […]

When Change Seems Impossible, Try This

Most people who feel stuck try to solve their problems in the same way—they largely focus their time and attention on trying to change the other person. More times than not, they complain, yell, scream, plead, shut down, defend, rationalize and essentially do whatever they can to get the other person to “see the light.” […]

Assumptions: It’s Not What You Think

Being mindful of why we do what we do in the world can be hard work; interpreting why others do what they do, on top of monitoring ourselves, is a recipe for disaster. The problem with interpreting others’ actions is that the things we make up about another person’s behavior is almost always negatively skewed: […]

10 Relationship Truths You May Not Want to Hear

Creating great relationships requires a general understanding and acceptance of these 10 basic relationship truths. Learn them; live by them. 1.    The only person you have the ability and power to change is you. Begging, pleading or raging and demanding that others change, waste energy. Change your moves—stop hoping they will change theirs. 2.    You […]

Falling out of Love with Your Significant Other? Talk About It.

Far too many couples are breaking up seemingly on a whim. One partner comes home and tells the other partner they’re no longer happy and they want out of the relationship. The other partner is shocked and feels blindsided. The idea that a spouse or significant other would suddenly announce they want out is beyond […]

10 Behaviors that Destroy Healthy Relationships

Creating healthy relationships requires mindfulness, not a PhD. A past mentor of mine use to say to the couples he was working with, “If you go out in the rain without an umbrella, you’re going to get wet. Don’t blame me for getting wet.” Relationships are the same thing—if you treat those around you poorly, […]

Empowerment Starts with Speaking Your Truth

What if you shared your honest opinions—time and time again? What if you told your partner what you really think—each time s/he asks? What if you stepped in when the black girl, homosexual boy or Muslim woman is being harassed and dared to say that the bullying is about the harasser’s own insecurity, not the […]