As the holidays get closer and closer I can almost feel the tension, stress and angst in the air with many clients. Many are anxious because they want everything to go well. Others are resentful that the bulk of the holiday work lands on them. Some are tense due to past negative experiences either as a child or in their current family. Regardless of where you land on this issue, below are basic steps all of us can take to help this holiday season be a pleasurable experience. I hope these tips serve you all well this holiday season.
1. Don’t spend money you don’t have. This tip is even more important today in our economy than perhaps ever before. Don’t invite too many guests if you can’t afford it. Don’t pay for the entire celebration if you can’t. Don’t try to max out credit cards so you don’t disappoint your children, family members, co-workers etc. Overspending leads to greater stress, fear, anxiety and it is putting the wants of others above the needs of you. If you don’t have it, don’t spend it.
2. Learn to delegate rather than being a martyr. The holidays cannot be a positive experience if you are slaving away 90% of the time in an effort to make sure everyone else is happy. Trust me, if you’re not happy, they will feel it and it will take away from their experience as well. Discuss with your loved ones what needs to be done and divide the list. If you prefer to take the lead, then make the list and delegate what projects you’d like others to take on.
3. Be moderate in all things. Holidays tend to be a stressful time for many people. If this is true for you then you need to honor this rather than trying to run from it or self-medicate to get through them. Drink, eat and take breaks with moderation. Don’t get trashed so you don’t feel; don’t eat your feelings away; don’t disappear or emotionally check out for prolonged periods of time. Trust that you can handle the uncomfortable feelings that may come up in a healthy way for you and those around you. The more moderate you are the better the holiday will be.
4. Keep things light. A family holiday dinner or event is NOT the time to rehash old wounds, delve into intense unresolved issues or talk about how you never felt loved as a child. Give yourself and your family a vacation from the heaviness of the past hurts. There is plenty of time to address difficult issues and a family or holiday celebration is not the time.
5. Share the joy. I truly believe that doing a kind deed is just as beneficial to the receiver as it is to the giver. If you have the time, money or resources to help others during the holidays—do so. Donate a turkey, volunteer to help at a shelter, sponsor a family by giving gift cards so they can shop for their own children. You could also invite the people who don’t have families over to join your celebration. It’s very difficult to be alone; it’s even more difficult to be alone on the holidays. Reach out your hand whenever able.
Ideally the holidays are a special time filled with connection, joy and laughter. They are also often mixed with stress, fear and anxiety. Do what you need to do to help make your family’s holiday the best one possible. Create a new tradition, make relationships the priority not tasks and do whatever you can to enjoy your family and celebrate the day.
CHALLENGE: If the holidays feel more like a stress than a celebration then its time to do things differently. Cut yourself a break and take the pressure off. You don’t need to do things perfectly. Lighten up and refuse to become superwoman in an effort to care for everyone. Remember that you also need to be taken care of. Ask for what you want, be clear about what you need and enjoy this time of year.
Happy Holidays!
Lisa