Safety is a prerequisite for all healthy relationships. If you are using physical violence against someone in anger, that person is not safe. Intense anger acted out physically will break a connection instantly.

Being angry is a human emotion that all of us feel at various times; it’s not good or bad, it just is. How we handle our anger however, is a different story. Speaking firmly and respectfully, telling your loved ones that you are angry and setting limits are healthy ways of expressing your anger. Yelling, swearing, throwing things, hitting, pushing or hurting someone in any way in anger is not okay.

The only time it is okay to put your hands on someone in anger is if you are in danger and you are using self-defense. Other than that, it is never okay. Physically harming your loved one no matter how angry you are makes healthy intimacy impossible. If you “can’t” control your anger, then live by yourself until you “choose” to control it. Get help, take medication, join an anger management group–work to change it. Make a decision to not be violent and don’t be.

As important as it is that you not be violent with anyone, it is equally important that you not allow anyone to be violent with you. You have the right to be treated with respect at all times by all people; if someone is not honoring that, leave the situation.

Challenge: Make a decision to take physical violence (any violence for that matter) out of your life. If you need help for your anger—get it. Don’t contaminate others with it.

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