John Gottman has done extensive research on couples and found that couples who stay together have more positive interactions overall than couples who divorce. When they speak to each other, they do so respectfully and without contempt. They listen as though they care and they treat each other in kinder more thoughtful ways; they do not however, necessarily fight less.
After working with hundreds of clients over the years, I am not surprised by this. The impact of a kind word, a loving action or a thoughtful deed can have an incredibly powerful impact on a couple. Women and men alike want to be appreciated and loved and sometimes this requires a direct action. The idea that they “should just know” – is a cop out! – trust me they don’t know and nor should they if you don’t act as if you do.
So, to give your relationship a higher chance of success, begin to practice random acts of kindness with your partner. The rules are; neither partner can point out what act of kindness they did and both partners agree to keep an eye out for any acts their partner may be doing. If you catch your partner in the act of being kind you have to note it and thank them!
Challenge: Talk to your partner and request they take on this challenge. Follow the rules above and have fun! If you can’t think of what to do, choose from the list below. As always, note what happens.
Potential Acts of Kindness:
· Write partner a short note that is kind and place it where they will find it later that day. Some examples:
o Just wanted to tell you I love you
o Hope you have a great day
o You looked great last night – thought you should know
· Call your partner during the day just to tell him/her you were thinking about them…have fun with it (i.e. sing “I just called to say I love you…”)
· When you see your partner at the end of the day greet him/her with a compliment
· Tell your partner 3 things you love about him/her
· Be creative and come up with your own act…feel free to share it in my blog!