If you would like an emotionally intimate, sexually gratifying marriage, be sure you are not behaving like any of the characters below.
1. The entitled one. Act entitled. Act as if your needs are the only ones that matter. Be a selfish lover and demand sex when you want it and how you want it. This will be sure to squash any sexual desire whatsoever in your marriage.
2. The bully. Make sure that your anger is scary enough to get your entire family walking on eggshells around you. Yell, intimidate and bully your loved ones into submission—especially your spouse. This behavior will certainly freeze up the sex and intimacy in your marriage.
3. The complainer. Point out all the things your spouse is doing wrong—no matter how minute, picky or irrational they may be. Leave your partner feeling inept, unloved and unappreciated for anything they do. After doing this for long enough, your partner won’t even want to come home, let alone be sexual or emotionally connected in any way.
4. The denier. The denier has very little interest in sex. S/he would rather have a sexless marriage and just be friends. Make constant excuses about why now isn’t a good time. Don’t ever initiate and, in fact, don’t even hug your spouse—you don’t want them to get any ideas after all. Gradually your partner will stop even trying to have sex. Eventually you will both live two very disconnected lives.
5. The workaholic. Work endlessly and then hail yourself for being the provider. Brag about how hard you work, complain about your spouse constant nagging and stay out late “working.” Create such a distance and so much resentment that your spouse is simply no longer interested in you and actually prefers for you to be gone.
While some marriages become sexless marriages gradually, due to the demands of life, many turn this way because of the poor behavior of one or more of the spouses. Notice when gradual distance begins to create a chill in your relationship, and start paying attention to the relationship and stop letting life distract you from what’s most important. When poor behavior is the culprit . . . stop the craziness.
Challenge: If you lack intimacy in your marriage, be sure none of the above descriptions or the five from last week’s Part 1 post (http://lisamerlobooth.com/squash-sex-intimacy-marriage-part-1/) are showing up in your marriage.