It seems that we are entering a world of ultra understanding and minimal accountability.
• “My spouse was a jerk to live with, so I had an affair—and I’m not sorry I did. If he wasn’t such a jerk then I wouldn’t have needed to go outside the marriage.”
• “If my wife didn’t drive me so crazy, I wouldn’t have to rage.”
• “My kids don’t listen, so I have to yell. Maybe if they listened the first time, I wouldn’t be screaming all the time.”
• “I can’t help but get defensive when someone tells me they don’t like something I’m doing. What do you expect?”
There are countless examples of people blaming their behavior on the behaviors of those around them. Even the “experts” are buying into this mentality. Experts are blaming affairs on bad marriages and asking that the betrayed partner be accountable for their role in the affair. What?! A presidential candidate is notorious for being unaccountable —Donald Trump has a black belt in blame. Nothing is Trump’s fault—it’s the fault of those around him and it seems to be a contagious sentiment.
We have to stop blaming our choices on other people. We have to stop doing this because it’s a lie we’re telling ourselves, it’s leading us to be unaccountable and irresponsible, and it’s killing our relationships.
• A bad marriage does not cause you to have an affair. YOU choose to have an affair.
• Having someone give you difficult feedback does not cause you to get defensive. YOU choose to get defensive.
• No one’s behaviors make you rage. YOU choose to loose your temper and rage.
• Being isolated, not liking a country’s policies or actions (or any other perceived “injustice”) does not cause you to join a terrorist group. YOU choose to join the group.
• Neither a person’s actions, nor a culture’s dogma makes you racist, sexist or hate-filled. YOU choose to spew hate by yourself.
When it comes to life and relationships, the only one responsible for the choices you make, the behaviors you choose to engage in or the reactions you choose is YOU. Refuse to blame others for your actions—it’s misplaced blame, incredibly disempowering to you and an insult to those you choose to blame.
Challenge: No one makes you yell, cheat, lie, defend, silence, etc., except you. Do not take a victim position in your life, your choices and your actions. Own your choices and accept the consequences of those choices — both the good and the bad. You are not a victim of your life–don’t act like one.