I recently was reading an article from today.com about a dating site for cheaters (http://tinyurl.com/4gp944u) and was struck by how sickened I felt reading it. What was so sad, to me, were the stories about the people who are newly married, recently engaged or married for years with adoring children. Apparently, people sign up on the site for the sole purpose of cheating. The author went undercover to discern what type of person would be on this site.
A common excuse given for being on this site is either boredom or simply wanting sex. There were men who had only been married two years, others who were engaged and another who said his wife was perfect, but he would cheat on anyone he was with.
All I can say to this is: If you have to lie, cheat and pretend you’re someone else in order to enjoy life—you have deeper issues than you may realize. Constantly looking for your next “hit” is a losing game. Regardless of whether or not that hit is alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex or the allure of sneaking around—your need to constantly have something distracting or exciting you is a problem. When someone isn’t able to just be, they end up like a rat on a wheel — constantly moving, yet going nowhere.
These types of sites result in people living through fantasies. They’re always looking for the next thrill and the high that comes from it. They need the rush of adrenalin from fantasizing to be able to endure the boredom of watching their child’s soccer game or having dinner with their wives. Normal life just isn’t enough for them. I wonder if what they’re really running from is the feeling that they are not enough. In my experience, they don’t want to feel any negative emotions and so they mask them with sex, secrets, cheating and lies. How exciting! How sad.
If you’re looking to spice up your life, stop looking to everyone else to entice you. Instead start looking inward and figuring out why you’re never satisfied. If you’re unhappy in your relationship, take ownership and take steps to fix it. If you’re always bored, learn to sit in the quiet and enjoy the calm. If you want sex with strangers—don’t get married.
When we lie, cheat or pretend we’re someone we’re not, it takes its toll on us. We either begin to feel the hit on our sense of worth or we feel nothing. When we feel nothing or justified about what we’re doing, we’ve lost our connection to humanity. It’s a long, hard road back from this place.
Our children are inundated with constant messages that sex is nothing, that cheating is expected and that families fall apart. As adults, we serve as role models to the next generation. Our actions help create future generations. Stop thinking your actions are okay when they leave a ripple effect of damage in their wake. Histories in families have an uncanny way of being repeated from one generation to the next. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that because you aren’t caught damage won’t occur. It already is occurring.
Challenge: If you feel the need to cheat, stop pretending that you’re not harming anyone. Your actions are like lighter fluid poured throughout a log cabin. All it takes is one match to burn your entire house down. I hope you are prepared to explain to your spouse and children how your choices destroyed their lives.