Relationships can fuel your life or drain your life. Which they do is up to you. Too often, people take a victim position in their relationships, waiting for others to change. Life doesn’t work that way. You have the power to change you, not others. Look at the list below and check for relationship blockers that you do. Do you silence to another’s rage? Do you rage to silence others? Do you dismiss others or placate or [fill in the blank]. Dare to humbly look at how you’re showing up in your relationships and find the courage to change those moves that are not serving you.
10 moves that harm relationships:
1. Silence: No problem can be solved if you refuse to speak. Silencing out of fear or to punish others is harmful to you and your relationships in the long run. Find your voice, don’t silence it.
2. Rage: Yelling, screaming, name-calling and intimidation are all emotional abuse. Learn to manage your anger, not take it out on others. There is nothing you cant’ say respectfully.
3. Dismissiveness: It is not your job to decide whether or not what someone says is important to them is actually important. It is your job to assume it is.
4. Jealousy: Constantly accusing a loved one of cheating, flirting, etc., without reason to think so is about you, not them. If jealousy is a pattern in your thinking, then work it and stop blaming those you love for being untrustworthy. If your loved one is untrustworthy, seek help to work through that issue. Do not put them under a microscope, analyzing their every move. People grow tired of being under surveillance.
5. Contempt: There is no room in healthy relationships for the energy of contempt. Contempt shows up as disgust, judgment and looking down your nose at others. Own your worth while also honoring the worth in others. We are all equal. Remove contempt from the equation.
6. Excessive work: Constantly working—at the office, in your home or in your head—is a recipe for troubled relationships. If you’re escaping home stressors, address them, don’t run from them. If you’re working to feel better about who you are, find the balance.
7. Over-accommodating: Going along to get along seldom works in the long run. Over-accommodating to avoid conflict leaves most people exhausted, resentful and unhappy. Learn to say no for your sake and your family’s.
8. Lack of follow-through: If you say you will do something, then do it. If you can’t do it, then don’t promise you will. Not doing what you agree to do is the fast track to distrust and resentment.
9. Unspoken truths: Failing to speak your truth diminishes relationships. Have the hard conversations, share your differing opinions and be authentic about who you are and what you think. Do all of this with compassion and a clean energy.
10. Control: No one likes to be controlled. Stop telling others what to do and how to do it; instead, learn to let go of the little things. There are many ways to do things; don’t be fooled into thinking your way is the only way. Controlling others can leave you very lonely. Don’t control.
Challenge: Review the list above and humbly assess where your fault lines are. Choose two areas where you’re off and work these areas. Notice what happens as a result.