“Be the person you wish you were married to, had as a best friend, or was a core influencer in your life; and then, settle for nothing less from others.” ~LMB
The best relationships are about teamwork; they have a “we’re in this together” vibe. When one person is upset, the other person is more concerned about relieving their partner’s upset than they are about anything else. Each person strives to be personally accountable, emotionally supportive, and genuinely respectful. There is no competition between each other, no battle for control, and no sense that one is better than or more important than the other. Each person is routing for the other’s success and genuine happiness. The needs, wants, opinions, thoughts, and experiences of both partners are equally important. Great relationships have as their foundation a healthy, solid friendship.
If you’re struggling with any relationship in your life, first, ask yourself if you’re a good friend. Are you treating others as you would like them to treat you? Do you support them when they’re sad, hurt, or in need of help? In times of struggle and upset, are you still respectful? If you’re not showing up as a friend in good times and bad, then your work is to clean up your side of the equation before asking them to do anything on theirs.
When you are doing everything on your side yet, the other person is not showing up as a genuine friend on theirs, regroup. Take a step back. Assess where they are not supportive. Do they treat you as an equal? Are they accountable when they make mistakes, or do they defend, justify, or blame you for their actions? When you’re upset, are they understanding or dismissive? If your loved one is not showing up as a loved one, how are you responding? The closest of friends give each other honest feedback with grace. Are you giving honest feedback—with grace? Healthy relationships require both individuals to be strong enough to stand up for themselves and the relationship; Are you standing up for both?
When relationships have a strong friendship as their foundation, it feels good to be in them. Make sure your relationships have, at their core, a strong friendship. Be willing to fight for this core if it doesn’t. If someone in your life is not willing to do the work necessary to show up as a good friend, then your job is to find the strength to walk away.
Challenge: Don’t ever settle for a one-sided relationship; they are never worth the pain. Be the friend you wish you had, and settle for nothing less from others. #RadicalNewRelationships