Note from Lisa: Here is one of my earliest tips for you to enjoy!
“Avoiding issues will not make them go away. Instead, it provides the fertilizer that enables issues to grow. Don’t avoid” ~LMB
Males and females alike seem to fall into the trap of wanting to avoid issues. The more difficult the issue, the more likely the person will want to avoid it. It seems as though people believe that if they don’t address the problem, people either won’t see it or it will magically go away.
Not speaking about your mother’s alcohol addiction doesn’t mean she’s not an alcoholic. Pretending that she’s not slurring her words doesn’t mean that the entire family isn’t aware of her slurring her words. Similarly, going about your day as if it’s not the anniversary of the day your affair was discovered, doesn’t mean your spouse isn’t brutally aware that this is the day the affair was found out. Not speaking about your child’s depression doesn’t help your child not feel depressed. Regardless of what issue it is that you believe is better to avoid, the reality is that avoiding issues only grow more issues.
A thousand unspoken conversations over the years leave a pile of unresolved issues as high as Mount Everest and as difficult to climb. Choosing to “avoid conflict” just creates significant distance. The more you silence, ignore, pretend, avoid or brush off the upsets, the greater the upsets become—if not within you, then within those close to you. Avoidance is a losing move every time. It leaves problems unresolved, feelings hurt and relationships disconnected. Do the work necessary to create great relationships—have the conversations. Stop avoiding.
Challenge: Dare to have the conversation. Focus on the issue rather than your fear of the conversation or the other person’s reaction. You do your part and “speak it clean.” Let go of how the other person responds—that’s their work, not yours.