“Allowing yourself only to see what you want to see and hear what you want to hear will harm you every time. Dare to see the entire picture, not just the bright spots.” ~LMB
You can’t create healthy relationships if you’re looking at them through a tainted lens. When the hairs on the back of your neck go up, and you tell yourself it’s nothing, you’re skewing your lens. Seeing your partner’s excessive flirting as being outgoing is denying a massive piece of a toxic dynamic. Telling yourself that your lover is a great person who is just under stress every time s/he blows up, keeps you from seeing the harmful anger problem. Over time, that anger that you minimize will be the very thing that will wipe out your relationship.
Ignoring issues has the same impact as minimizing them or explaining them away. When you brush off yet another person’s concern for your partner’s drinking, your avoidance keeps a potentially serious problem in the dark. Pretending that your boyfriend’s history of multiple affairs isn’t a problem because “things are different with us” sets you up to be another one of his statistics. No matter how you explain away issues or paint a rosy picture for something, it will not make that issue disappear.
When you don’t allow yourself to see what’s right in front of you, affairs go unseen, lies get ignored, and relationships crumble. Allow yourself to see the entire picture. Trust that you can handle whatever it is you’re trying not to notice. Stop making excuses for the way someone talks (“Oh that’s just how he blusters”), the way they act (“She just says mean comments when she’s anxious”), or for who they are (“He can be a jerk sometimes but underneath he has a great heart”). Dare to see what’s right in front of you. Don’t sugar coat it, pretend it’s better than it is, or ignore the red flags that bring you down.
Challenge: Find the strength to have a clear lens in all your relationships at home and worldwide. Take in ALL the facts. Look at ALL the pieces. Daring to see what’s genuinely present is the best way to ensure a happier and more fulfilling later. Open your eyes. You’ve got this!