“All give and no take is as harmful as all take and no give in relationships. Find the balance.” ~LMB
Great relationships require a healthy balance of give and take from all parties involved. When one partner is the primary giver, resentments build over time. When one person primarily takes from the relationship and gives very little of their time, attention, support or kindness, that person will feel entitled, over time, to take more. The more they take, the more the other person gives and the greater the mound of resentments. As resentments build, so do anger, distance and relationship struggles.
Neither giving too much nor taking too much is “better” than the other. Both are off. Both of these extremes will harm a relationship. Neither is healthy. From the outside, the giver may look better than the taker, however, their “giving” is equally as dysfunctional as the taker’s moves. Perpetual giving is not a gift; it is a compulsion. Perpetual taking is selfish. No one likes to be in a relationship where the onus is on them to be the givers; it’s just no fun.
No matter what relationship you are in, be sure there is a balance of give and take. This is true with your children, your partner, your co-workers and your friends. If you tend to be on the giver side, ask yourself what that’s about. Giving is “kind” only to a point. Too much giving is more about pleasing, guilt, acceptance and other deeper issues. Look at your issues. If you’re on the taker side, check your sense of entitlement and lack of reciprocity. Taking becomes old very quickly—even with the hard, fast givers.
Challenge: Pay attention to the amount of giving/receiving going on in your relationships. Be sure that you are doing both in all your closest relationships. Don’t confuse constant giving with being “nice;” it’s not.