“Great relationships feel good to come home to.” ~Lisa Merlo-Booth
Countless people wonder if the relationship they’re in is the “right” one. They ask themselves questions like:
- Did they choose the “right” person?
- Do they make enough money?
- Are they motivated enough?
- Do they have the potential to be successful?
- Are they attractive, kind, funny, smart, and (fill in the blank)?
When it comes to any relationship that involves you choosing (e.g., friends, lovers, employers, spouse, etc.), the most critical question for you to ask yourself is: Does it, consistently, feel good to be in this person’s presence–internally? “Internally” means, on a soul level, do you feel good about yourself when you’re around this person. Does being with this person lift you or pull you down?
Romantically, you can be able to talk for hours, have great sex, share the same values, and feel so “in love” with someone that you want to spend every waking moment with this person, and yet, still not feel good about yourself in their presence. Perhaps what feels off are the subtle “jokes” that seem to feel like cuts or the “minor” dismissive comments that seem to shut you down? Do they talk or treat you in a way that feels hurtful, shaming, disrespectful, selfish, or dismissive? Are you left feeling confident and comfortable in your skin after being with them or insecure and questioning? Are you fearful of not saying the right thing or careful to not “set” them off? Whatever the issue is, if you leave this person’s company feeling shaky about your worth or like the other person doesn’t see you as an equal, then that is not a great relationship.
The bottom-line is great relationships should consistently feel good to be in and great to come home to. If your relationship leaves you second-guessing yourself, feeling bad about yourself, or often trying to keep yourself in check, then it’s time to take a hard look at what’s going on in your relationship. You deserve great relationships that leave you feeling great in them. Do the work to make that happen.
Challenge: Take an honest inventory of your relationships. If it doesn’t feel good to come home, assess why that is. Take a humble look at your patterns that historically and currently impact your relationships and get the help you need to change those patterns. Similarly, take an honest look at your partner’s role in your relationship and do what is necessary to address that issue, including getting help if needed or walking away if warranted.