Women—P-L-E-A-S-E—stop telling yourself what a nice guy your husband is after he rages at you, makes fun of you, calls you names, lies, cheats, etc. Anyone and everyone can have a nice moment. Most people have many nice moments, in fact, especially in the good times. A kind act does not make a kind person. A kind act does not negate a mean act. And a “nice guy” is not nice to everyone except his wife.
“Nice guys” do NOT:
• Call their wives c_nts—EVER. In fact that word is so offensive I’m disgusted that any husband has ever said that to his wife–or any woman. And–Nor do “nice guys” call their wives bitches, sluts, whores, stupid or any other derogatory names. They don’t do this name-calling in anger, upset or rage—even when their wives make a mistake or do something upsetting.
• Rage at their wives, children, family, co-workers or employees. And they certainly don’t blame their own raging on the people they’re raging at. That’s NOT “nice.”
• Make fun of their wives, belittle them or treat them as if they’re stupid.
• Set up a dating profile on an affair site, dating site or any other hook-up site. If they get caught, a “nice guy” does not make up some lame excuse to justify this hurtful behavior.
• Repeatedly lie, keep secrets or live a double life.
• Run the household like The Big Kahuna, caring only about their own needs and selfishly doing what they want to do, when they want to do it–regardless of the impact on their family.
• Flirt, ogle, objectify or hit on women—in front of their wives or behind their backs.
• Intimidate the hell out of their family with their intensity, temper, rage and blow-ups. “Nice guys” don’t force their family to walk on eggshells around them, trying to not set the “nice guy” off.
If your husband is doing any of the above and you find yourself talking about what a “nice guy” he is, then it’s time for you to take off the rose-colored glasses you’re looking through. Until you take off those lenses, you will never realize the toxicity you’re living in. If you don’t recognize toxicity when you see it, you will forever be living in it. Stop selling yourself short and start recognizing mean, poisonous behaviors for what they are—toxic and hurtful. “Nice guys” are NOT toxic and hurtful. Don’t paint them out to be.
Challenge: If your husband is doing any of the behaviors listed (or other mean behaviors), then do not excuse or minimize his actions by telling yourself that underneath those mean, hurtful behaviors is a “nice guy.” Instead, take a deep breathe and simply acknowledge to yourself the hurtful behaviors he is doing–and then hold him accountable to stop doing it.