Mother’s Day can be a great day for many people when it’s filled with family celebrations, gratitude and loving memories. For others, though, Mother’s Day is filled with angst, sadness and frustration. Not all children get along with their mothers;, not all mothers get along with their children, and not all mothers are loving, healthy or even safe, for that matter. This is almost the unspoken sadness on Mother’s Day by children and adults of all ages. For some children Mother’s Day is a reminder of sad times, missed opportunities and painful events.
Human beings are pre-wired to seek out approval, love and nurturing from their parents and there are few things more painful than not getting that. Having a difficult relationship or no relationship at all with your mother can be a lifetime hurt for many people. Mother’s Day becomes a reminder for these people of the hurt, pain and lost opportunity to have that “great” parent-child relationship. Having to pretend that the relationship is good on Mother’s Day is like pouring salt in a wound.
Unfortunately, the reality is that some mothers do fail. Some mothers are abusive and toxic to their children. And sometimes mothers and children clash even with the best of intentions. The big elephant in the room that few people speak about on Mother’s Day is that not all families are nurturing, loving and safe. Not all families get along and are excited to celebrate mom…or dad, for that matter. As you can imagine, these issues are no more poignant to the parents and children who struggle with them than on the core “family days” of the year.
If your relationship with your mother is more hurtful than it is satisfying, my heart goes out to you. As the child in this pairing, first and foremost know that you matter. Learn to recognize what part of the problem is about you and your actions, and what part of the problem is about your mother’s actions. Work your side of this equation. If your mother is unhealthy and chooses not to get healthy, forgive her—for your sake—and keep a healthy distance. If she changes and makes honest attempts at repair—open your heart and give her a chance. In the mean time, know you are worthy, absolutely loveable and deserving of an amazing mother—even if you did not have the good fortune of having one.
Challenge: If your relationship with your parent(s) is one of difficulty, have compassion for yourself. Keep an open heart for possible changes and repairs by your parents and be sure to surround yourself with loving people who will build you up and support you in your journey moving forward. And work toward forgiveness for your sake.
NOTE: If you happen to be the mother in this equation and are struggling with your relationship with your child remember to have compassion for yourself. Parenting is by far the most difficult job in the world. There is no way to get through it without mistakes or hard times.