Our world is falling apart.
…have you felt this way too? As we enter the midterm elections, I’m watching people get more extreme and violent in their differences. You know we’re in trouble when our country can’t even agree that it’s not okay for someone to break into The Speaker of the House’s home and fracture her husband’s skull due to politics!
What happened to us? How did things get so crazy?
This past year I’ve been running a course on tackling defensiveness, which has been eye-opening for many participants. As you can imagine, individuals and couples are struggling to manage differences, much like our country is as a whole. And the consequences of this struggle are deadly everywhere.
In the political arena:
Regardless of whether you’re talking about the most recent Pelosi violence, the shooting of Republican Steve Scalise and four others at a congressional baseball practice, the plot to kidnap a governor, or a myriad of other threats of politicians—in their homes, at restaurants, or on the street—this violence is not okay. We once were a nation that stood together against violence everywhere—regardless of political affiliation. We have become a nation where—for far too many—the ends justify the means; a dangerous shift for everyone.
Fortunately, there are countless examples of people, politicians, and organizations bravely stepping up for a safer, more humane world for ALL. So, when you start thinking that “our world is falling apart,” remember that there are many also rising with compassion, not violence, accountability, not blame, and love, not hate.
I’ve recently been using my relationship expertise to focus on galvanizing people to master feedback and conflict in a way that builds connection rather than destroys it. The political season is a great time to implement some of these skills. In the coming week, many election results will be coming in from all over the country. Some results you will be happy with, and others you won’t. Below are three tips to help you get through this week in a way that can help our country rise—in safety, integrity, and connection:
1. Get grounded: Be calm, respectful, and steady even during difficult times. Reacting with aggression, intensity, or shutdown will only weaken your message and lead to more frustration.
2. Practice uncompromising safety—towards you and others: Live by the guiding principle of Do no harm; allow no harm to be done. You can disagree without being abusive, shaming, or threatening; Hold others to this same bar. And no matter what others are doing, do not allow their poor behavior to be an excuse for yours.
3. Avoid catastrophizing: Our world has been through many difficult times and will go through countless more. No matter how upset you may be by the results of any election, catastrophizing will only lead to more reactivity, tension, fear, and anxiety. Remind yourself that this is an M.I.T. (moment in time), and take things one step at a time. Pay attention to the story you’re telling yourself. If your story is extreme, chances are you’re allowing fear to drive you. Take a step back, get out of extreme thinking, BREATHE, and get grounded again. There will be another day, another election, and endless opportunities for change.
Join me this election season (and in everyday life) in mastering conflict in a way that builds connection rather than destroying it—in your home, on the streets, and in our nation. And when in doubt, remember that a safer, more connected world, starts with you.