Tackling Defensiveness 101
Overcoming defensive behavior in personal and professional relationships
Do you get offended, hurt, or feel attacked when others attempt to give you feedback?
Or does it seem like when you give your partner, roommate, or *insert other person* feedback, they get easily annoyed, reactive, or angry?
It’s time to shift the way we do relationships —
from PROTECTING ME to BUILDING WE, with …
Introducing…Tackling Defensiveness 101
This 6-week live intensive program will empower you to manage conflict more effectively in your relationships at home, at work, and in the world.
You’ll transform your understanding of defensiveness, shifting from a need to win arguments at all costs to recognizing that true victory comes through connection and collaboration.
Without working together, no one truly wins.
Ready to Shift from Defensiveness to Connection?
“I didn’t realize how much I struggled with defensiveness – or how my defensiveness was negatively impacting my relationships – until beginning this course. Lisa teaches critical skills for recognizing and overcoming defensiveness in a non-judgmental way. Role-plays in live calls helped reinforce these skills. I’ve already begun to see improvement in my relationship with my spouse and am committed to continuing to put in the hard work”
~ KB
Do any of these situations sound familiar?
1
It’s late November and you walk out on the front porch…
You notice the pumpkin your partner carved for Halloween is on the floor rotting and oozing.
You ask them to throw it away.
Their response?…
“Well, excuse me. I’ll get right on it. I didn’t mean to ruin your damn day.”
Your heart sinks, your blood boils, and you quickly realize you should have just kept quiet.
2
Your boss gives you feedback that your project needs more fine-tuning… again.
Although you keep your cool in the moment, on the inside you feel attacked.
You quickly explain why you did what you did —
“I wasn’t given much instruction about what was expected so I did my best. Now that I have more information, I’ll make those changes.”
But once you get home?…You ruminate about the feedback for hours while you revise your work with growing resentment.
3
You’re feeling exhausted, frustrated and hopeless…
You’re wondering if your partner will ever be able to hear your upset without defending their actions.
They are constantly reactive and you’re sick of feeling hurt, pushed aside, and always at fault.
If you hear one more explanation about why they did what they did or how what they did wasn’t that big of a deal, you’re going to SCREAM!
Any hope for them being accountable for their actions seems impossible at this point.
Or perhaps one of these comments from my Radical New Approach to Relationships community resonate with you:
“My husband is so defensive. I’ve tried everything I know to help him hear my feedback but nothing works.
Am I doing something wrong?”
“I am in a young relationship with someone I love very much. We do have our problems… I have trust issues and so does he.
But he has used the defensive shield already to avoid things that have really hurt the relationship we have.”
“I was married to a man for almost 20 years that used the shield of defensiveness.
After a few years of this I began to question my sanity and my perceptions of just about everything.
That led to shutting down and trying not to feel anything. It’s a horrible way to live your life.”
“I have a really hard time taking in feedback and know this is a problem but it’s terribly difficult for me to be accountable…
It definitely interferes with my relationships and my life.”
Are you the partner who’s grown accustomed to keeping quiet to avoid conflict or simply given up trying to communicate your needs?
Or are you the partner who can’t help but feel attacked and react defensively, even if you’re trying your best to change?
What if ...
- You no longer had to walk on eggshells to avoid someone else’s defensiveness.
- Your feedback was welcomed and valued by your partner, helping your relationship grow.
- You could handle constructive feedback at work, without letting it hold you back from achieving new levels of success.
- You didn’t feel the need to defend, explain, or present yourself in a good light when your friend, co-worker, partner, boss or (fill in the blank) gives you feedback.
- You could save your struggling relationship by learning how to communicate without getting defensive.
Allow me to introduce a radically new approach to dealing with conflict that could change the way you show up in relationships…
Tackling Defensiveness 101
Here’s everything that’s included in this Radical New Approach to Conflict self-study course:
Exclusive access to 5 in-depth Modules & Practical Defensiveness-Taming Tools you can access at your own time and pace
We’ll dive into what defensiveness is, how it shows up in your relationships, what it’s costing you, and concrete steps you can take to start tackling it.
Here’s a sneak peek at what we cover:
Module One: What IS Defensiveness?
The focus in this module is learning about the 9 Faces of Defensiveness and which category you fall into. By understanding the part you’re playing, you can learn how defensiveness is showing up in your relationships and what to do about it.
Module Two: What is Defensiveness Costing You?
Module 2 focuses on the drivers of defensiveness,— including family of origin, societal myths about conflict and conditioned gender expectations — to better understand the consequences it’s having in your personal and professional life.
Module Three: Moving Away From Protecting Me to Building We
The focus in Module 3 is recognizing defensiveness when it rears its head and managing your responses to conflict in a way that builds connection rather than destroys it. You’ll discover an easy template to slow down your reactive responses to conflict that allows you to ground yourself and effectively respond in difficult times.
Module Four: Responding to Defensiveness With Confidence
The focus in this module is learning effective strategies for responding to the reactivity and defensiveness of others. Instead of trying to get the other person to respond better, you’ll focus on your own behavior as an empowering move that yields the best results in the face of someone who struggles with conflict.
Module Five: Courageous Accountability
The final module provides you with a template for powerfully and effectively managing conflict at work, home, and in the world. You’ll walk away with a clear understanding and template of what accountability looks, sounds and feels like. You’ll practice courageous accountability in break out groups and will become significantly more skilled at taking in feedback and effectively working through conflict than ever before.
In addition to these Modules, you also have access to six 90-minute interactive workshops with me, your coach.
You’ll also receive these Radical New Approach to Conflict Bonuses
- Defensiveness Assessment: a simple tool to help you assess if defensiveness is a problem in your life (past program participants have often found that whilst their partner, children, or colleagues are defensive in one way, they themselves are defensive in others)
- Faces of Defensiveness Guide: discover the 9 faces of defensiveness, so you can recognize conflict avoidant behaviors (and idenitfy specific behavior that’s not helping you, and hurting your relationships)
- Grounded Powerful Thinking Table: an eye-opening resource whic helps you identify when you’re being defensive (and gives practical steps to interupt your go-to patterns with new, healthier responses)
- From Defensiveness to Connection Action Plan: provides a step-by-step map of how to move from defensiveness to connection (so you can reset, move forward with courage and accountability, and repair relationship ruptures)
But’s that’s not all – you’ll also receive these Bonuses
- Defensiveness Archetypes Chart: a poweful resource which captures the 3 main defensiveness archetypes – The Storyteller, The Peacemaker and the CEO (and helps to uncover your own patterns, the thinking that drives your patterns, and exactly what to do to change it!)
- Plus, two months of free access to the Inner Circle membership community: which includes monthly calls to delve into how to implement a Radically New Relationship™ paradigm into your daily thinking, lives, and relationships — at home, work and in the world.
With these modules, practical tools, and priceless bonuses you will shift:
- From an imbalanced winner vs loser “Power Over” Dynamic which allows rude, dismissive, aloof or indifferent behaviour → to operating from “Power from Within”, so your relationships feel kind, respectful and compassionate
- From a sense of disconnection, loneliness, even hopelessness, from walking on eggshells or being shut down so often you’ve just about given up → to clear communication and courageous accountability, where feedback is given and received as a gift, and acted on
- From feeling of unseen and unheard, and your opinions not being treated as important → to feeling seen, heard and valued in relationships based on openess and curiosity
- From fear of paybacks, retaliation or shaming which feel like you need to protect yourself → to a relationship based on uncompromising safety and having each other’s best interests at heart
“Lisa is a rock star in everything she does. No one else is doing this work that I know of and it is so badly needed.
Her handouts were wonderful as well as her homework. The role plays really helped me see what my defensive posture is and brought my awareness level up. I made a commitment to work on my own defensiveness.
It is hard work, but helps me keep my side of the road clean. Thank you Lisa.”
~ Ginger Edwards, LCMHC
Your Investment in Tackling Defensiveness 101 gets you:
✅ Early Access to the 5 Modules & Practical Defensiveness-Taming Tools
✅ Six 90-minute interactive workshops with me
✅ Plus, 4 Radical New Approach to Relationships Resources:
Defensiveness Assessment
Faces of Defensiveness Guide
Grounded Powerful Thinking Table
From Defensiveness to Connection Action Plan
✅ Plus Your Program Bonus
Defensiveness Archetypes Chart
Two months of free access to the Inner Circle community
Which give you the tools, support & accountability to shift from Defensiveness to Connection
In case you were wondering, here’s how it all works:
Modules are released every Friday, and Live Calls happen the following Tuesday.
- Fridays: You will receive a module to review prior to our Thursday call. Each module includes a weekly workbook with notes, challenges, and journal prompts to help you better understand your relationship with defensiveness.
- Tuesdays: The following Tuesday from 1:00–2:30 PM ET:, we’ll meet on Zoom for a 90-minute interactive workshop and dive into the latest module together. This will include breakout groups, exercises, practices, and a live Q&A.
“Lisa’s course on defensiveness was an eye opener to say the least! I entered the course believing I was an innocent victim of defensiveness but quickly realized that I can “dish it out” just as easily.
The course and workshop material gave me helpful information to begin taking accountability for my own behavior. I can feel the difference in my correspondence with my family and they have thanked me for taking an initiative to do better. Thank you Lisa! “
~ DJ
Meet Your Coach
Hi, I’m Lisa!
I’m not your typical relationship coach. With over 20 years of experience as a relationship coach and trained therapist, I am a paradigm-shifter that cuts through the fluff and gets straight to the heart of the matter.
I am passionate about transformation and believe that change begins with us—how we communicate, how we connect, and how we show up in the world.
Shifting the paradigm of relating from Power Over to Power from Within sets us free to create true connection, safety and intimacy – in our homes, in our workplaces, and in the world!
I am so excited to be offering the Confict Resolution Self Study Course to you, and look forward to welcoming you into the course.
Lisa
“Lisa is an experienced and knowledgeable trainer, who is able to simply break down what is far from a simple topic.
Her no nonsense approach is so edifying. She is there to help us all to be better humans in how we approach our relationships, and the more people she can reach with this work, the better our world can become.”
~ Jodie Preiss
Lisa not only led our class through an understanding of how defensiveness destroys relationships but gave us a way to understand our own “styles” of defensiveness and practical steps to deal with them.
Lisa presents clearly and with a positive engagement that makes this kind of hard work feel easy.
It was also great to see and work with other people dealing with similar issues. Though it was online, we developed a kind of camaraderie which was very supportive.”
~ Bill S.
Frequently Asked Questions
How will I receive the modules for this course?
Our live interactive workshops will be hosted on Zoom. Recordings and all other program trainings, worksheets and templates will be delivered digitally through a password-protected members-only site. As soon as you enroll, you’ll be emailed your login information with a username and password.
When are the live interactive workshops?
What if I cannot attend the calls live?
When will the five modules be released?
What is the investment in the program?
Are payment plans available?
What if I want to attend with my partner?
When is the deadline to register?
Do I have to be in a relationship to benefit from this course?
“Lisa was an outstanding coach in helping me understand how, when and why defensiveness shows up in my life.
She really unearthed a lot of long standing habits as to why I would respond in a defensive manner when challenged in certain situations…
Now life is much easier when I can let my defensiveness go and not get burdened with proving how “right” I am.
Thank you Lisa — I appreciate your help and guidance.”
~ ASO
Stop allowing conflict to rule your relationships.
It’s time to tackle defensiveness once and for all and take accountability for how you show up in your relationships and in the world.
If defensiveness is throwing a curveball in your relationships, join me inside Tackling Defensiveness 101 today: