"This is a wonderful course on so many levels for both therapists and normal people. There is psycho-ed, great concepts and very helpful skills. I will use the course and hand-outs in my own marriage and with my clients. I highly recommend it. I don’t believe anyone else is doing this. Throughout all my years of education and training I never received any training like this one."
~ Wendy Allen, Ph.D, MFT.
Do you get offended, hurt, or feel attacked when others attempt to give you feedback?
Does it seem like when you give your partner, roommate, or *insert other person* feedback, they get easily annoyed, reactive, or angry?
It's Not Me, It's You:
Tackling Defensiveness 101
This 5-week program will help you gain insight into defensiveness and provide you with the tools to make a positive change in your relationships and life.
Let me give you an example you can probably relate with…
It’s late November and you walk out on the front porch. You notice the pumpkin your partner carved for Halloween is on the floor rotting and oozing. You ask them to throw it away. Their response?
“Well, excuse me. I’ll get right on it. I didn’t mean to ruin your damn day.”
Your heart sinks, or your blood boils, and you quickly realize you should have just kept quiet.
Does this ring a bell?
Or perhaps these comments from my blog resonate with you.
My husband is so defensive. I’ve tried everything I know to help him hear my feedback but nothing works. Am I doing something wrong?
I have a really hard time taking in feedback and know this is a problem but it’s terribly difficult for me to be accountable… It definitely interferes with my relationships and my life.
I am in a young relationship with someone I love very much. We do have our problems, I have trust issues and so does he. But he has used the defensive shield already to avoid things that have really hurt the relationship we have.
I was married to a man for almost 20 years that used the shield of defensiveness. Anytime I expressed any kind of unhappiness or hurt he would turn it around to make me feel like I was too sensitive and that it was my fault in the first place. After a few years of this I began to question my sanity and my perceptions of just about everything. That led to shutting down and trying not to feel anything. It’s a horrible way to live your life.
"Lisa is a rock star in everything she does. She saw a need in her professional practice for addressing defensiveness and she took it on. No one else is doing this work that I know of and it is so badly needed. Her handouts were wonderful as well as her homework. The role plays really helped me see what my defensive posture is and brought my awareness level up. I made a commitment to work on my own defensiveness. It is hard work, but helps me keep my side of the road clean. I am now focusing on this work with my clients. Thank you Lisa."
~ Ginger Edwards, LCMHC
"If you have ever struggled in your interpersonal relationships, you'd be hard pressed to find a more empowering and transformational workshop than what Lisa has put together for us. Building on her career of supporting couples, Lisa has developed an entirely new system for communication that could change not only your relationships for the better but every conversation you have going forward. This work is that big of a deal. I've never learned so much in such a short period of time that is resulting in wonderful heart-warming improvements in my 35 year relationship with my husband and with both of my children. I am eternally grateful to Lisa for bringing this work into the world."
~ Leisa Peterson
Are you the partner who’s grown accustomed to keeping quiet to avoid conflict?
Or, maybe you are the partner who can’t help but feel attacked and react defensively?
If any of the below sound familiar, then this course is for you:
- You find yourself walking around eggshells due to someone’s defensiveness.
- You know your partner will get defensive so your feedback has essentially become nonexistent in your relationship.
- You find it difficult to build relationships or succeed at work because you are unsure how to hold yourself accountable when others provide you with feedback.
- You feel the need to defend, explain, or present yourself in a good light when your friend, co-worker, lover, boss or (fill in the blank) gives you feedback.
- Your partner is constantly complaining about your defensiveness, it is a source of frequent turmoil, or things are so bad that s/he is ready to leave the relationship because of it.
It's Not Me, It's You: Tackling Defensiveness 101 will help you walk away with concrete skills to implement on a daily basis.
Over the span of 5 modules, we’ll dive into what defensiveness is, how it shows up in your relationships, what it’s costing you, and concrete steps to take to start tackling it.
You’ll learn how to recognize the traits of defensiveness (in yourself and others) and walk away with lifelong skills to help you manage it.
Throughout the course and beyond you will:
- Gain clarity on what defensiveness is and the many different ways it can show up
- Confidently assess what aspect is your work versus the work of others regarding defensiveness
- Recognize the cost and consequences of defensiveness
- Feel more confident in your ability to manage your defensiveness
- Have a clear template of what accountability looks, sounds and feels like
- Be better able to manage critical feedback without going into shame or defensiveness yourself
- Feel empowered to respond when others are defensive
It's Not Me, It's You: Tackling Defensiveness 101
Here’s the setup of the course:
- Every Friday during the course, you will receive a module to review prior to our Thursday call
- The following Thursday from 1:00 pm - 2:30 pm ET and 6:00 pm - 7:30 pm ET, we will have a 90-minute interactive workshop via Zoom which will include breakout groups, exercises, practices, and Q&A diving into the latest module. Since we will be covering the same material in both sessions, you can attend whichever works best for your schedule. You are also welcome to attend both, if you’d like.
- Each module includes a weekly workbook with notes, challenges, and journal prompts that you can implement to help you better understand defensiveness.
Bonus Course Goodies
- Defensiveness Assessments will be provided to help determine if defensiveness is a problem within you or others
- Faces of Defensiveness
- Grounded Powerful Thinking Table
- Taming Defensiveness Action Plan
“Your course was life changing for Landon and I and we are SO GRATEFUL. We have done so much therapy and so many retreats for the nearly 10 years we have been married and yours has helped the most. So so grateful.”
~ Esther
Training Level Options
Level 1
The Foundation
5 weekly modules plus corresponding
90 minute live workshop calls
Each module also includes a weekly workbook complete with notes, challenges, and journal prompts that you can implement to help you better understand defensiveness.
Level 2
Expansion
Foundation Level offerings plus an additional (3) 90-minute expansion workshops
Expansion offers you the opportunity to do a deeper exploration of the materials and learnings in the course. These calls are spread out to give participants time to integrate the material and to allow time for their questions to bubble to the surface. Because the regular live calls are pre-planned, there is not a lot of extra time for 1:1 feedback or coaching from Lisa. The Expansion level calls allow for a more personal opportunity to work with Lisa in a small-group setting on areas where you find yourself stuck.
Note: Extra calls will take place on Fridays 1-2:30ET at three predetermined times:
Call #1: At the middle of the course (Oct. 14th)
Call #2: At the End of the course (Oct. 28th)
Call #3: 3 weeks after the course has ended (Nov 18th)
Level 3
Immersion
Foundation and Expansion offerings plus 4 months of ongoing 90-minute live immersion workshops every 3 weeks AND (2) 60-minute open ‘office hours’ calls
Immersion is for those who want to go beyond the foundational understanding and recognition of defensiveness to a deeper level of learning and practice. You will continue to receive Lisa’s support for FOUR (4) months after the course ends in the form of: 90-minute “hot-seat” calls every 3 weeks; AND 2 60-minute “open Zoom” calls with Lisa where anyone can jump on and get laser coaching around any questions the have, situations they are stuck with or feedback they are looking for.
Note: Ongoing calls will occur on Thursdays from 1-2:30 ET every three weeks starting November 17th.
Call dates are:
November 17
December 8
December 29
January 19
February 9
March 2
Frequently Asked Questions
How will I receive the content?
Our live interactive workshops will be hosted on Zoom. Recordings and all other program trainings, worksheets and templates will be delivered digitally through a password-protected members-only site. As soon as you enroll, you’ll be emailed your login information with a username and password.
When are the live interactive workshops?
- Thursday, September 22 from 1:00-2:30 pm ET (Introductory Call)
- Thursday, September 29 from 1:00-2:30 pm ET (Discuss Module 1)
- Note: We will not meet on October 6
- Thursday, October 13 from 1:00-2:30 pm ET (Discuss Module 2)
- Thursday, October 20 from 1:00-2:30 pm ET (Discuss Module 3)
- Thursday, October 27 from 1:00-2:30 pm ET (Discuss Module 4)
- Thursday, November 3 from 1:00-2:30 pm ET (Discuss Module 5)
**Note: If we have enough people who need an evening time, we will open a second live class option of the weekly call from 6:00-7:30 pm ET.
What if I cannot attend the calls live?
All live calls, EXCEPT the breakout groups, will be recorded and added to the member's area for you to watch or revisit within 24 hours of the live call. Because the breakout groups are where much of the learning happens, we encourage all participants to attend these as much as possible.
When will the five modules be released?
- Module 1: Friday, September 23 at 1:00 pm ET
- Module 2: Friday, September 30 at 1:00 pm ET
- Note: There will not be a module released on October 7
- Module 3: Friday, October 14 at 1:00 pm ET
- Module 4: Friday, October 21 at 1:00 pm ET
- Module 5: Friday, October 28 at 1:00 pm ET
Are payment plans available?
Yes! You can choose a one-time payment today or the payment plan. The payment plan is two payments: one payment of 50% today and the second payment of 50% will be automatically charged 21 days later.
What if I want to attend with my partner?
You are very welcome to join as a couple! Couples who purchase together will get the second registration fee at a 25% discount. Please note that if you choose to take the course with your partner, we ask that you and your partner attend the live calls on different computers/devices so you can each be placed in separate groups. Separating couples in the break-out groups enhances the overall learning for the couple and allows each person to focus on their own interactions.
When is the deadline to register?
The last day to register for this course is our start date, Thursday, September 22, 2022.
Do I have to be in a relationship to benefit from this course?
No, this course is for anyone who struggles with defensiveness in themselves or responding to defensiveness in others.
What if I want to cancel and get a refund?
Should you decide the program is not for you within the first 7 days, we will grant a refund to your credit card less any incurred payment processing fees.
"Lisa is an experienced and knowledgeable trainer, who is able to simply breakdown what is far from a simple topic. Her no nonsense approach is so edifying. She is there to help us all to be better humans in how we approach our relationships, and the more people she can reach with this work, the better our world can become."
~ Jodie Preis~
"Lisa not only led our class through an understanding of how defensiveness destroys relationships but gave us a way to understand our own "styles" of defensiveness and practical steps to deal with them. Lisa presents clearly and with a positive engagement that makes this kind of hard work feel easy. It was also great to see and work with other people dealing with similar issues. Though it was online, we developed a kind of camaraderie which was very supportive."
~ Bill S. (Maine)
"Lisa was an oustanding coach in helping me understand how, when and why defensivenes shows up in my life. She really unearthed a lot of long standing habits as to why I would respond in a defensive manner when challenged in certain situations...now it's life is much easier when I can let my defensiveness go and not get burdened with proving how "right" i am.
Thank you Lisa-I appreciate your help and guidance."
~ ASO
"Lisa’s course on defensiveness was an eye opener to say the least! I entered the course believing I was an innocent victim of defensiveness but quickly realized that I can “dish it out” just as easily. The course and workshop material gave me helpful information to begin taking accountability for my own behavior. I can feel the difference in my correspondence with my family and they have thanked me for taking an initiative to do better. Thank you Lisa! "
~ DJ