Several years ago I began paying attention to all the things I did not say to people. I watched as I silenced myself, lied, rationalized, spoke half-truths or told the truth in such a “nice” way that I wasn’t even sure any more what “truth” I was trying to speak.
I then began to watch other people do the same thing. It was fascinating. I watched women tell one friend they weren’t feeling well enough to go out – only to find they went out with a different friend. I saw men telling women they would call when they had no intention whatsoever to call. I saw parents lying to their children because they didn’t think their children should hear the truth. I saw husbands lying to wives about what time they would be home and wives lying to husbands about whether they were mad or not.
The list goes on and on and I’m sure you can come up with your own lists, however what struck me during this time was how unreal we, as a culture, have become. We have become so skilled at not telling the truth about what we are seeing, thinking, feeling, or doing, that much of the time we don’t even realize when we lie, omit, or misrepresent ourselves.
We can not have real, authentic, intimate relationships, if we are not real and authentic. We have to begin to step out, begin to take risks, and begin to be honest if we want to have truly intimate relationships in our lives. If we are bothered by something someone does, we need to speak it. If we are angry, we need to acknowledge that we are angry and stop trying to pretend we are not. If we made a bad decision, we need to face the consequences of that decision. Our relationships will never become intimate if we do not share ourselves in an intimate way by allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, speak honestly and handle what happens as a result.
Challenge: Bring honesty into your relationship. Tell your partner how you feel, answer their questions honestly and commit to being more “real” in your relationships.