Parenting is the most difficult job in the world to do well. It requires love, guidance, limits, patience, acceptance, amazing boundaries and healthy self esteem. Yikes! How many people in the world have all of the above? Below is a cheat sheet of what I have found to be the most important aspects of good parenting:
1. CONFIDENCE IN YOURSELF: It is vital that you see yourself as a competent, able individual. If you don’t, your children will see right through your insecurities and be forever testing you. You need to remember that your children are much younger and less experienced in life than you are. Have faith in yourself and your ability to guide them. Know that some of your decisions are not going to be liked and that is okay. Also know that sometimes you will not know what the right decision is. Not knowing the right move just makes you human, so don’t fret. Get help — ask other parents for advice, read parenting books or talk to professionals. No one knows everything.
2. WILLINGNESS TO SET LIMITS: Know that kids need limits. When they don’t have them, they feel out of control…and begin to act out of control. Be clear about what is and is not okay in your home and explicitly state those rules to your children. Also, clearly state in advance what the consequences will be should they choose to disobey the rules.
3. ABILITY TO FOLLOW THROUGH WITH LIMITS: This is one of the number one areas where parents mess up. Too often we want our kids to like us rather than learn from us. When we get caught up in wanting to be liked, we let a lot of things go. We think if our kids are mad at us, they will hate us forever. This is our issue and needs to be dealt with if we have any hope of raising healthy kids. Set the limit and then walk away if you can’t deal with the tears. Whatever you do though, do NOT take back the limit!!!
4. BE PRESENT AND SPEND TIME WITH YOUR CHILDREN: The number one thing children crave from their parents is time. Hands down. If you chose to have kids then it is your job to spend time with them. This does not mean just being in the same room looking at your computer while they’re watching T.V. (a task I have done myself too often). All our children want is attention. When we give it to them we all benefit. Spending time with children is one of the best ways to build their self esteem; it shows them they are important.
5. ABILITY TO ALLOW CHILDREN TO LEARN FROM THEIR MISTAKES RATHER THAN MICRO-MANAGING THEM SO THEY DON’T MAKE ANY: There are way too many controlling parents in the world. We need to back off and allow our children to learn from their mistakes. We need to allow them to figure things out on their own. Stop doing your child’s homework for them—it’s their grade, NOT yours. Stop hovering over them reminding them what needs to be done and how it needs to be done. Let them falter and learn by those mistakes.
CHALLENGE: Look over the above five ingredients to good parenting and pick the one you need the most work on. Focus all of your parenting energy on the one you need the most improvement on and pay attention to the results you notice. It will take at least 2-4 weeks to see significant results. Next, read my follow up post for the next five tips and do the same. Good luck.