“Aggression, intimidation, and emotional volatility are no more okay for men than for women.” ~LMB
Many people hear statements like the one above and quickly dismiss them, saying there is a double standard for men and women regarding anger. They say men can rage, bully, and snap, and the world is okay with that. However, when women do it, all of a sudden, it’s a problem. And they are correct. Rage and aggression are more acceptable in men than women—in homes, businesses, leadership, and the world. In fact, historically the aggression and abuse of women by men was not only sanctioned, but encouraged.
However, times are changing. Violence against women is no longer sanctioned by jaw-droppingly horrific laws (E.g., Marital Rape). Today, many women are standing up for themselves in unprecedented ways with unheard-of results (E.g., #MeToo). In fact, not only are women standing up for women’s rights and safety, but many men are also jumping into the arena. This is incredible news for individuals of all genders and a refreshing shift from the old relationship paradigm steeped in patriarchy and misogyny.
However, I find myself cringing when I watch women do the same behavior towards men that they’ve berated men for doing towards women. When I hear women cheering one another on for seethingly telling their husbands to “be a real man”—or—God forbid “grow a pair” or reactively blowing up at anyone in the house who pisses them off, I’m reminded of how far we still have to go to creating thriving relationships anchored in safety for all.
Women standing up for themselves is a much-needed, powerful shift for humanity and is long overdue. However, this shift must happen under new guidelines—guidelines that demand safety for individuals of all genders. Although I absolutely understand that male rage and aggression are more acceptable than female rage and aggression, the last thing our world needs is for society to accept the harshness of women because it accepts it from men. We have enough emotionally unsafe relationships, reactive parents, unsafe homes, and tragic domestic violence to last us a lifetime. We do not need to lower the bar on accepting anyone’s emotional reactivity, volatility, rage, or intensity—regardless of their gender identity.
Rather than accepting the rage and aggression of women, it’s time our world benefits from rejecting the anger and aggression of any gender. It’s time we raise the bar on all of humanity—not half of humanity—in our homes, streets, leaders, and world.
Challenge: Raise the bar on aggression, intimidation, and emotional volatility with everyone—including yourself.
