Recently a proposal was made to make Massachusetts the first state in the nation to outlaw corporal punishment/spanking, in the home as well as out of the home. Although this is a recent proposal, people have been arguing this point for decades.
Personally, I’ve always found the concept of spanking to be an interesting one. As a child, I thought it was hypocritical for parents to say they loved you one minute and hit you with the belt or paddle the next. It never made sense that the ones who were supposed to be protecting kids were the ones the kids needed protection from. But what did I know? I was just a child.
As I got older and had my own children, this same thinking stuck with me…only stronger. I’ve watched parents go crazy on their children and grab them by the arm, yank them towards them, and WHACK them. I’ve worked with clients whose parents would hit them with a belt, and even have them “choose” a branch from the tree to be used as a whip to hit them with. I’ve heard parents say they chased their child through the house with a belt because s/he wouldn’t listen, all the while screaming, threatening, and calling the child names.
Parents are responsible for teaching their children how to be successful in life: relationally, emotionally, spiritually, and personally. Teaching children how to handle their anger is a vital part of this. Children need to learn that it’s okay to be angry…and it’s not okay to be abusive. How do they learn that lesson if every time they make a mistake they get a smack, the belt, or chased through the house by a screaming maniac?
They don’t. They learn that when people don’t do what you want them to do, get stronger and more powerful and…force them.
Seldom have I seen a parent calmly spank a child. More often I see a parent at his or her wit’s end, snapping, yelling, and ultimately, SMACKING the child. In those moments, the parent is often livid, and determined to show that child whose boss. In that moment, it’s about power over, and the last thing on that parent’s mind is teaching the child how to be in this world.
To a child, this kind of “discipline” is scary, intense, painful, and absolutely jarring. Do they stop what they’re doing as a result? You bet…but only for the moment. Spanking is a short-term solution that creates long-term problems. It is not relational, loving, or an effective long term teaching technique.
When adults hit other adults, we go to jail; explain, then, why it’s okay for me to hit–on an ongoing basis– a person, whose totally dependant on me, half my size, and still learning how to be in this world, and expect it to be seen as teaching.
Talk about putting a spin on things.
CHALLENGE: Never hit your child in anger…it’s abuse, even if others call it discipline. If you feel you have to spank, research it for yourself. Learn about the pros and cons and then make the decision based on the best interest of your child. If you still choose to spank: never use objects, do not hit the face, do not hit in anger, and try other tactics first.