“You don’t get to treat others poorly without consequences for those choices. Even denial won’t save you from the consequences of your actions.” ~LMB
We live in a world where more and more people think they can treat others however they want without any consequences. Unfortunately, though, humanity doesn’t work that way. You don’t get to snap, yell, rage, or belittle your partner without them pulling away, getting more distant, and losing their love for you over time. Nor do you get to dismiss your partner’s concerns and upsets as unimportant, insignificant, ridiculous, etc., without them growing resentful, disrespected, and over-time wanting to leave the relationship.
Life doesn’t happen in a vacuum. For every action, there is a—spoken or unspoken, seen or unseen—reaction or consequence. For example, the more you treat your family as a place to visit while you go off and play golf, stay late at work, party with friends, etc., the more your family learns to stop relying on, missing, or even—liking—you. Your absence and self-absorption train your family to live without you. Before you know it, the consistency of your choices gives you the freedom to do what you want while absolving them from the guilt of not missing or counting on you. And if you keep your head down, don’t pay attention, and continue to make those choices, you may not even feel the hit of their consequences for years to come.
As the saying goes, ignorance is bliss…
…until it isn’t anymore.
Even when you tell yourself that everything is fine, it becomes nearly impossible to stay ignorant of the consequences at some point. There are always consequences:
- Your wife’s “acceptance” of your selfish absences eventually grows into anger, resentment, and her eventual pathway out the door.
- Your husband’s pattern of jumping through hoops to please your constant criticism turns into his unwillingness to do anything because there aren’t enough hoops to make you happy.
- Your chronic dismissiveness of your spouse’s concerns ultimately stops their “complaining.” And while you initially see this as excellent, you eventually notice they’ve given up—on you and the relationship.
No matter how much you want to fool yourself into thinking that you can treat others however you want, the reality is that there are always consequences. You can rationalize your behavior, blame others for your actions, and even deny your actions are harmful. However, the consequences don’t lie.
Challenge: Don’t buy into the cultural messages that normalize, justify, and encourage non-relational behavior—in the home, on the job, in politics, and in the world. No matter how you spin it, selfishness, aggression, disrespect, and poor treatment of any kind harm relationships. Over time, all of those behaviors will have consequences—regardless of whether you acknowledge them. Clean up how you’re showing up in all relationships and hold others accountable to do the same.
