“Be careful what behaviors you normalize because what you normalize becomes the norm.” ~Lisa Merlo-Booth
An essential requirement in any healthy relationship, company, or culture is uncompromising safety which means that every human being is responsible for being physically, emotionally, psychologically, spiritually, and sexually safe to those around them. However, our world seems to move away from this basic principle more every year and instead frequently normalizes and accepts harmful behaviors at every level—to the extreme detriment of everyone.
- Men and women alike normalize yelling in conflict, claiming that “everyone does it.”
- Romantic couples often normalize “saying things you don’t mean” in the heat of the moment, believing it’s no big deal.
- Leaders in companies justify their angry outbursts by blaming the poor job performance of their employees for their verbal tirades.
- Far too many people justify verbal and physical attacks on the marginalized due to political, religious, or cultural beliefs they feel give them the right to harm fellow human beings. At the same time, many bystanders silently watch and do nothing.
- The past President of the United States verbally attacked women so regularly that few people even winced anymore when he used terms such as whack job, horse face, Miss Piggy, fat pig, slob, dog, etc., to refer to the woman of the hour who bothered him.
- Political leaders, corporate leaders, and others in positions of power are found guilty of committing financial crimes, sexual assault, fraud, etc., so often that the world barely blinks. The world then normalizes these “leaders” remaining in their positions, minimizes their actions, and even comes to their defense, recommending forgiveness or claiming their guilt was the result of an unfair “witch hunt,” not their activities.
- Church leaders, priests, critical personnel, and members in various religious organizations preach about non-violence, abstinence, and being “Christ-like.” These same individuals then cover up, condone and encourage sexual abuse of their most vulnerable members –children and women (E.g., Sending priests to other churches, Polygamy, underage marriage, etc.) all the while parishioners normalize and forgive in the name of God.
Normalizing harmful behavior goes on almost everywhere you look—whether we’re talking about rage in the home, white supremacy, homophobia, or (fill in the blank)—some people condone, justify, and defend harmful behaviors –either their own or others. The problem with normalizing destructive behaviors is that it increases those behaviors. Over time, what used to happen to “others” gradually starts touching the lives of everyone. When an individual, family, system, culture, nation, or world starts to throw out the most basic principles necessary to create a safe, healthy foundation, you put all individuals at risk of harm.
Normalizing harming anyone justifies harming everyone. Believing that everyone says mean things in the heat of the moment or yells in times of conflict, sets the stage for these behaviors to increase—towards you and from you. Justifying attacking an illegal alien, gay, or trans individual because you disagree with their choices makes it okay for others who disagree with your choices to attack you. Once “do no harm” is no longer a basic tenet anywhere, harming becomes the new norm everywhere—in your home, on the job, and in the world.
Challenge: Be careful what behaviors you ignore (from yourself and others) because what you ignore, you normalize, and what you normalize becomes the new norm. When you assume it’s okay to be hurtful to some people, you open the door to be harmful to all people.
