“Cheating on your spouse or partner is harmful to your partner, family, and yourself; don’t ever minimize the damage of that choice.” ~LMB
We live in a world where hookups ups, cheating, affair sites, and sexual liaisons are a daily occurrence. We have married men and women having affairs with co-workers, friends, strangers, and online serial cheaters. Very few people stop to acknowledge the impact of these actions on the loved ones cheated on, the children in the crossfire, or the families destroyed by these seemingly “harmless” choices.
Affairs are traumatic. They cause trauma for all those left in their wake—no matter how you try to tie a nice bow around these actions. Comments like the ones below are myths used to justify and excuse cheating: don’t believe them.
- “I don’t care if I cheat with married men—their wives should’ve taken care of them, and then they wouldn’t be turning to me”:
- You should care because you are part of the problem. The story they tell you is only one side of the actual story. Choosing to be complicit in an affair makes you unsafe for women and families.
- “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas”:
- This myth is totally false—nothing that happens in Vegas “stays” in Vegas—it ALL follows you home one way or another.
- “We haven’t had sex in years. What do you expect?”
- Unless you and your spouse agree that it is okay to have sex with other people, it is not okay to have sex with other people. Lies and deceit make your relationship unsafe.
- “My wife/husband is (fill in the blank), which is why I cheated”:
- No—you cheated because you chose to cheat. If you’re unhappy in your marriage—fix it or leave it—don’t use it as an excuse to cheat.
The unacknowledged, unspoken consequences of your affair include:
- Trauma, emotional scars, and long-standing PTSD to your spouse.
- Trauma, emotional scars, and long-standing relationship issues with and for your children.
- Daily anger, sadness, overwhelm, and insecurity left in your wake to your entire family.
- Ongoing trust issues with you and your spouse if you stay.
- Ongoing trust issues in future relationships for your spouse if you split up.
- Often, those who cheated struggle to work through long-term shame and guilt for their actions and their consequences.
- A legacy of cheating that gets passed on from one generation to the next.
No matter how unhappy, lonely, or mistreated you may feel in your relationship, cheating is not the answer. If you’re unhappy in your relationship, you can seek professional help as a couple, separate, or even divorce. However, being unhappy does not give you the right to lie, sneak around, and cheat on your spouse.
Before betraying someone, make sure your eyes are wide open. Countless people minimize cheating until they are caught in the crossfire and feel the brutality of the aftermath. The consequences of affairs last longer and are far more painful than our world acknowledges. Don’t be fooled by the minimization of the fallout of affairs—ask most people who lived through them, and they will tell you the pain is worse than they could’ve imagined.
Challenge: Don’t play with fire regarding affairs; they burn more houses down than you can imagine. If you’re unhappy in your relationship, be honest with your partner about why and work to change it, not escape it.
