“The most potent weapon in the hands of the oppressor is the mind of the oppressed.” ~Steve Biko
Too often, those treated poorly by others blame themselves for the poor treatment. They blame themselves when their boss rages, their spouse has an affair, their significant other goes silent for days, or (fill in the blank). It’s one of the craziest things we do when you think about it. Even our society does it when it blames the rape victim for the rape rather than the rapist.
Blaming the oppressed or abused for the behavior of the oppressor is dangerous and harmful to all of us.
People do what they do because they choose to. Oppressors gain power from the self-doubt of those they oppress. They feed off of your angst at calling them out. Your fear of their upset is like gasoline to their oppressive behavior. Those who abuse or bully others count on people keeping secrets, shrinking, and not taking a stand. Secrets and avoiding upsetting or holding the perpetrator accountable are behaviors that allow the oppression, abuse, and intimidation to continue.
If you’re living with someone who is oppressive in how they treat you, stop wondering how you’re causing the behavior. You do NOT cause someone to harm you—EVER. Recognize that the issue is with them, not you, and find the support you need to surround yourself with people who treat you well. Do the same at work. When your boss is a tyrant, refuse to blame yourself for their tirades. Find the courage to look for another job and see your boss for the tyrant s/he is.
Challenge: If you’re being treated poorly by anyone, be sure your mind is not serving as that person’s weapon against you. Don’t blame yourself for another’s actions; don’t allow fear to silence you.
