“Until you move from “protecting me” to “building we,” your relationships will struggle.” ~LMB
Relationship struggles are seldom about issues—even though couples swear that the “issue” is the problem:
- We have no connection and no sex.
- We differ in our parenting.
- We are not aligned when it comes to spending and finances.
The issues can run the gamut and are a great distraction to fixing the relationship. The real problem in any struggling relationship has minimal to do with the topic and almost everything to do with how they talk about that issue; the problem is the process used to resolve it, not the content discussed.
When couples get caught up in the content, the conflict becomes a battle of litigation rather than an issue they work through. Litigating issues is about protecting you and getting the other person to see your side. You become ensnared in a battle of trying to get your partner to “see” your side, see the error of their ways, and give you whatever you need. Not surprisingly, your partner also wants that same result for them, so now you have two people battling to the death to ensure their experience is the “right” one, and everyone does things their way. While there is a time and place for that type of response, most people are going for that every time, particularly at the wrong times.
This battle to get others to see things your way is more about protecting me than it is about building we, and this stance is at the heart of what causes damage to relationships and careers. Moving from a protecting me stance to a building we perspective is a powerful game-changer for lives and relationships. Making this shift requires several skills and the courage to be courageously accountable—a skill our world is honestly lacking more and more.
Challenge: Pay attention to how you show up in conflict. Do you argue your case, explain your actions, blame the other person, and focus on protecting your ego, pride, and “reality”? Notice how this “litigation” is impacting your relationships. If you want to learn how to move from protecting me to building we, sign up for my free call on Tuesday, September 19th at 1pm ET.
