“True peace is not merely the absence of tension; it is the presence of justice.” ~Martin Luther King
The harder you work to “keep the peace,” shut down conflict and avoid having difficult conversations, the more you guarantee a lack of true peace—in your home and in yourself. Walking on eggshells, silencing, avoiding, or pretending that no hurt, upset, or injustice occurred provides a fertile ground for more hurts, upsets, and injustices. When injustice in the world is ignored, unaddressed, or accepted, hate, harm, and abuse are not only emboldened, they are encouraged. In your marriage, these moves get the relationship waters to boil. Eventually, unwatched boiling water spills over, creating damaging fires that burn down homes.
The inclination to avoid, acquiesce, or blow up in the face of conflict is so ingrained in our culture that few people question the effectiveness of these actions. Shockingly, they watch their homes metaphorically burn down, wondering what the hell happened. This antiquated relationship paradigm that dictates that men ‘man up,’ toughen up, and suck it up, while simultaneously conditioning women to be ‘nice,’ avoid making waves, and go along to get along, sets all of humanity up for failure, disconnection, and far too many ‘burning’ homes.
The damage caused by this outdated paradigm is tragic for all:
- High divorce rates
- Domestic violence
- Broken homes
- Myriad of unhappy marriages
- Emotional disconnection for men
- Lack of emotional, physical, and sexual safety for women in their own homes and on the street
- And so much more.
Times have changed, though. After over three million years of following the old relational paradigm, humanity is ready for, and desperately needing a total relationship-paradigm overhaul and revamping. Women deserve to be safe; men deserve to be connected. And couples deserve to be happy and thriving. However, the old relationship paradigm of ‘power’, obedience, intimidation, hierarchy, and ‘roles’ makes safety, connection, and mutually thriving relationships unattainable—for individuals of all genders.
You—and all human beings—deserve Radically New Relationships where individuals thrive and the collective inspires. In the context of marriages and romantic relationships, ‘individuals’ encompass you, your significant other, and your children. The ‘collective’ refers to the couple and the entire family unit. The individual and the collective cannot thrive unless individuals of all genders row in the same direction under a radically new relationship paradigm, with its foundation being Uncompromising safety, Genuine equality, Courageous accountability, and Humane kindness.
Challenge: Stop following an antiquated relationship paradigm that sets you and your significant other up for failure. Dare to create relationships where both partners are equally valued, safe, accountable, and kind. Anything less is not worth sacrificing years of your life.
