“Stay close to anything that makes you glad you are alive.” — Hafez
Become someone who makes those around you feel good about themselves.
Regarding relationships, this quote reminds me of the importance of the acronym KISS—Keep It Simple ‘Silly’ (the last ‘S’ is actually ‘Stupid’ lol; however, since this post is about Humane Kindness—let’s make it kinder and use Silly). Okay, as I said, KISS—when creating extraordinary relationships, it’s not rocket science.
Be someone who feels great to spend time with.
Yup, that’s it. Do you feel great to hang out with or not? Do people feel better in your presence than they do in your absence? Do they feel better about themselves? Do you build them up or knock them down with your constant critiques, putdowns, reactivity, or anger? Are you kind, indifferent, or, far too often, mean?
The bottom line is people want to hang out with people who feel good to hang out with. They want to laugh, smile, joke around, and have fun. They don’t want you laughing at them, making fun of them, or making sarcastic jabs at their expense. Humor is fantastic when it’s genuinely playful; it destroys connection when used as a weapon.
Not surprisingly, the people who master humane kindness the best tend to be the ones everyone loves to hang out with. They’re quick to share a smile, give a compliment, offer assistance, and lend a shoulder to lean on when needed. Kindness is freely given everywhere in their lives—at home, on the job, with strangers, and in the world.
Sadly, a common problem in marriage is when one person brings their best self to the world, yet their worst self at home. If kindness only shows up in certain areas, then obviously, it feels good to be around the person only in the places where the kindness is given. If you are kind to your friends yet moody, reactive, shut down, or intimidating with your family, your friends will love hanging out with you, while your family will resent you. Few things are more difficult to experience than a spouse or loved one who’s excellent and kind outside the home and a bear to live within the home.
Challenge: Radically New Relationships have #HumaneKindness at their core. Humane kindness has no ulterior motives—it’s genuinely given with love and no expectations. Kindness breeds more kindness: Be kind in your home, on the job, and in the world—it may just change your relationships and our world.
