“Violence has always been unfortunately embedded in masculinity, this alpha thing” ~ Sebastian Stan
Trevor Noah recently spoke at the Simmons Leadership Conference, where he talked about creating equity, change, and safety for women and our world.
Then he was asked, “What about the men?”
Trevor’s answer was thought-provoking. He spoke about the power of story and how our narrative of men often focuses on qualities such as toughness, strength, and stoicism: “Men” are the providers, protectors, and the boss. He stressed that excluded from this narrative is what it means to be a human being—to be humble, compassionate, and kind.
Most men are familiar with this story—a story where masculinity and aggression are two sides of the same coin. Ingrained in young boys is the need to assert dominance—to strive to be the strongest, toughest, most intimidating, and—above all—NOT “feminine.” The unspoken—yet equally compelling part of this narrative—is not simply that we don’t include the qualities of humility, compassion, and kindness in our descriptions of masculinity—it’s that we actively teach males to have contempt for them.
What our world isn’t telling boys and men is that this story and these messages are nothing but a setup.
Men, you’re being set up:
• Set up to fail in your relationships (and marriages)
• Set up to harm rather than providing protection
• Set up for disconnection
• Set up for loneliness
• Set up to feel like a rat on a wheel forever trying to prove your manhood (and by the way, who the hell has the authority to question your “manhood” anyway)?
And the more intense these messages of “man up,” toughen up, suck it up become, the bigger the setup.
Every violent crime statistic available shows that men are the number one perpetrators of violence—within households, on the streets, in schools, workplaces, and across the world.
And this male violence is killing ALL of us—every—single—day.
• Women face the greatest risk of violence—from men.
• Men face the greatest risk of violence—from men.
• Children face the greatest risk of violence—from men.
Although history says that you are meant to protect women, the reality is that men are the primary threat to women, men, children, and individuals of all identities.
Men, your power lies in your safety—NOT your aggression.
Safety begins at home and radiates outward from there. Your loved ones deserve to have you be the safest person in their lives—not the scariest, most intimidating, or biggest boss. And it’s not enough for you not to be violent, aggressive, or threatening. You also have to take a stand against the violence and aggression of other men—be they your fathers, sons, friends, or strangers,
For far too long, men, AND all of us, have colluded with, enabled, and shielded men from accountability for their harmful behavior.
Letting men off the hook for their harmful actions makes all men unsafe: It makes the world dangerous.
The answer to the question: “What about the men?” is clear: It’s time for men to set a hard line in the sand against violence that says: HELL NO, NOT ON MY WATCH!
Challenge: Men, it’s time you take the lead in stopping the aggression, violence, and oppression of men, women, and children—by men. Your power lies in your safety.
Are you wondering how to create truly kick-ass relationships that leave you feeling good about yourself, energized about the relationship, and emotionally at peace rather than on edge?
Join us for a free webinar on Thursday, April 11th from 3-4 pm ET and invite your friends, family, and co-workers to join you!
