“It’s time for good men to find their voices, courage, and humanity. Silence makes you complicit.” ~LMB
Let me begin by saying:
- There are many good men in the world—I’m fortunate to be married to one and to work with many.
- I deeply value men and am, by no means, a “man-hater.”
- The behavior of too many bad men harms not just women, but also the lives, trust, and reputations of all men.
- It frustrates me that before calling out harmful male behavior, I need to preface with these points.
Now, having said that… All over the world, we’re hearing stories of men joining in, colluding with, or turning a blind eye to the rape and assault of women. In 2024 alone, we’ve seen stories like:
- “A French Man Recruited Dozens of Strangers to Rape His Wife”
- “Sean Diddy Combs joins list of Hollywood Stars Charged with Sex Crimes” Note: He’s accused of sex trafficking, kidnapping, and sexual abuse.
- “Last man in wife-raping case gets 13 years’ jail, 12 strokes of the cane for raping woman” Note: The title of this article said wife-“sharing,”—I changed it to “wife-raping” to avoid colluding with language that minimizes the actions of these seven rapist husbands.
In cases like these, the silence of men’s voices is deafening. The collusion and minimization of the harm these men and others like them cause to females of all ages is toxic. And the fact that men joined together in the violence, sexual harassment, and rape of these women is jaw-droppingly disturbing.
These are just a few examples of sexual violence against women, and, sadly, they’re only a drop in the bucket. When you also consider the derogatory comments, objectification, intimidation, and sexual pressure that women endure in everyday conversation, jokes, and stories, it’s hard for men to fathom the level of fear, angst, and danger that women experience throughout their lives.
Women are statistically at the greatest risk of sexual and physical abuse by the men closest to them—a horrifying reality. When men—the so-called “good guys”—collude, stay silent, or turn a blind eye to the objectification, degradation, intimidation, and sexual violence against women, offenders become emboldened, entitled, and increasingly brazen in their attitudes, words, actions, and crimes.
What I don’t hear enough of are men calling out their friends, colleagues, fathers, and peers on their harmful behavior—on the golf course, in poker games, and in the office. It’s time for good men to find their voices, their courage, and their humanity. Silence makes you complicit.
However, both men and women find it incredibly difficult to call men out. Just as some men are quick to label women “man-haters,” they are equally quick to deride any man who dares to shut down sexist comments or behaviors, calling them weak, unmanly, or using derogatory slurs. When women try to draw attention to this issue, we’re often dismissed, attacked with insults, or worse, threatened.
I talk to many men who are disgusted and fed up with the damage bad men are doing to women—and to men as a whole. Yet, when it comes to speaking up, even these men admit it’s tough. They say calling out locker-room talk, sexist comments, or derogatory jokes is hard: Actually reporting a friend who preys on women, or challenging a buddy who makes light of getting a girl drunk to sleep with her—that seems impossible. Fear of being ridiculed or labeled weak stops many from speaking up.
But when good men say nothing, chuckle along, or walk away, they too become unsafe. We need more men to stand up and stop this cycle, because saying nothing helps no one—not women, not the men being harmed by this culture, and not you.
Good men can no longer afford to be silent. The responsibility of ending this harm is not on women alone—it’s on all of us, and men need to lead the way by calling out the toxic behavior of other men.
Challenge: To all the good men, I challenge you to #CallMenOut. Our world needs your voices, our culture needs a new play book, and women need genuine safety from men—the very people our world ironically labels as their “protectors.”
I challenge the good guys to #TakeAStand against ALL derogatory, intimidating, objectifying, harmful, dehumanizing, and abusive behaviors you hear about, witness, or are invited to join in on regarding women. Stand behind the statement #NoAbuseOnMyWatch with your actions.
If you agree to this challenge, dare to start the wave of creating a Radically New Culture—for both men and women—and share the hashtag #MenCallingMenOut in your posts, on your social media pages, and everywhere you can. The time for change is now. Be a powerful force in creating #RadicallyNewCulture for women and men.
