“When trust is broken, the hurt must be healed — and going forward, trust must be built, not given.” Lisa Merlo-Booth
Some people trust quickly, others are slow to open up, and many fall somewhere in between. But regardless of where you land on that spectrum, once your trust is broken, it is a long road back to trusting that person again.
Trust can be shattered instantly by major betrayals (e.g., affairs), abusive patterns (emotional volatility, emotional abuse), or untreated mental health struggles (e.g., addiction, bipolar disorder, depression). It can also erode gradually through common but harmful relational patterns — defensiveness, passive-aggression, or withdrawal.
Regardless of how it happens, once trust is broken, it no longer flows freely in the relationship. From that moment forward, the person who broke it must understand: trust is built, not given.
Building trust takes time — the bigger the breach, the longer the road back. And every setback resets the clock. If emotional volatility is what broke the trust, being calm for three days only to explode on day four confirms that you are emotionally unsafe. Those three stable days did little to repair what the outburst destroyed. The same principle applies to affairs, addiction, and defensiveness alike.
If you’ve broken trust and find yourself frustrated that your partner isn’t “getting over it” or giving you a “fair” chance, ask yourself what you have actually done to show them you’ve changed. And by “changed,” I don’t mean what you’ve said — I mean what actions demonstrate it?
People don’t simply get over repetitive hurts or major betrayals. They watch your behavior, trust their instincts, and look for consistent change over time. If your trustworthy actions are sporadic, your response to their mistrust is anger, or your accountability is inconsistent, you are not building trust — you are breaking it.
Challenge: Trust is one of the most foundational characteristics in any intimate relationship. On any given day, you are either building it or breaking it. Choose to build it –– with every word you speak and action you take.
