I continue to see rage impacting more families than I care to report. I see it in many families I work with, as well as in families I know personally. In all the families, it takes its toll.

Some people however, wouldn’t call what’s going on in their homes “rage”. In order for us to change things, we have to be aware that it’s going on. So with that in mind, below is a list of red flags that indicate rage might be a part of your family too.

• Either you or your partner lose your temper very quickly (i.e. go from 0-60 in response to something you don’t like). When you become angry you yell, scream, swear, threaten, or berate the person you’re angry with. If you’re extremely angry you may throw things, slam doors, punch a wall or otherwise escalate.
• Either you or your partner has been spoken to about their anger and the impact of it on others in the home (i.e. the children). It is not uncommon for the partner of a rager to inform their partner that their anger is a problem, that the children are fearful of him/her, or that they should seek help to address this.

• You have been concerned about your anger and have worried that you may not be able to control yourself.
• Either you or your partner, or your children, tip toe around the rager in an effort to not set him/her off.
• Your children tell your partner they are scared of you or they don’t like it when you get so mad.
• You justify your anger by blaming it on the behaviors of others. I.e. “I wouldn’t have to yell if you damn kids would listen! Or I wouldn’t be like this if you were more responsible or reliable or competent or…”
• You often feel bad after exploding at your family. When you try to connect with them, they keep an emotional distance.
• You hit your children with a belt or other object to try to gain control. If you are chasing a child through your home, threatening him/her, grabbing or yanking your child harshly, and/or slapping your child across the face–you are out of control.

If you answer yes to more than one of the above, it’s time to look at the impact of anger in your home. Rage often gets passed down from one generation to another and seldom just stops. The only way the toxic legacy ends is if you make a decision to end it. Whether you are the one raging or the one on the receiving end of the rage, you have a role in ending it.

The first step is to recognize it, not minimize it.

Challenge: Take time this week to evaluate the role of anger in your home. If it’s a problem, address it. Make it a priority to remove violence from your home. If you need help seek it out.

Note: Some numbers just in case:
Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault 1-800-323-HOPE (4673)
Parental Stress Hot Line: 1-800-632-8188