“No amount of bullying or aggression will ever give you admiration, respect, or love. “ ~LMB
There has been a tremendous push from conservatives to go back to traditional masculinity and for “men to be men” and women to stay at home, be subservient, and not make waves. This past week, the world watched the antiquated, patriarchal, “man-up” paradigm of leadership unfold in the Oval Office as the president and vice president of the United States of America attempted to bully, shame, and threaten President Zelensky into submission. However, this turning back the clock, comes at a tremendous cost to both women and men. What you saw in the Oval Office is a microcosm of the bullying that plays out on a larger scale across homes, businesses, neighborhoods, and governments.
Our world often confuses bullying with power and strength; however, what happened in those last 10 minutes was a display of male fragility, not true strength. The number of violent acts committed due to the emotional fragility of “tough men” is jaw-dropping. The bullying that happened in the White House happens every day in the form of bar fights, road rage, domestic violence, violence against women, and on and on. The more we demand that boys and men “toughen up,” “suck it up,” and “man-up,” the more we cultivate aggressive, bullying, emotionally fragile, and physically harmful men. This mentality leaves men with few relational tools to get their needs met: aggression and violence. Subsequently, when you handle every difficult situation with a jackhammer, the result is widespread destruction and profound loneliness, disconnection, and strife.
Those advocating for a return to the “Wild West” days of masculinity aren’t telling you the tremendous costs of that return. No one enjoys being bullied, controlled, or coerced into submission. The most basic human need is the need for love and belonging; the biggest blocks to these needs are aggression, violence, and a lack of emotional connection and compassion. You may force others to comply with your demands, but you cannot force them to admire or respect you.
Regarding masculinity, one track is about pulling you backward into fear and proving you’re a man; the other is about pulling you forward into humanity, true strength, and connection. Choose your track carefully; it will change your entire life and the lives of those you love.
Challenge: Find the strength and courage to stand against the antiquated, patriarchal, aggressive paradigm of masculinity. Being valued, respected, and loved is every human being’s birthright. Violence, aggression, and bullying get you obedience at best; never love and respect. Notice the toll that this toxic paradigm has taken on you and those you love.
