There are countless examples in our world of courageous people doing extremely caring acts. These people help our world be a better place and for that I thank them immensely. Unfortunately though, there are also people in our world who just plain act mean. These people tend to tear others down, make fun of people, do cruel things, and in general have little insight or in some cases, concern about how they hurt others.
There are a thousand reasons why someone may turn into a mean person including family trauma, upbringing, poor self-esteem, nature etc. Regardless of why, below are a few things to note about people who have a tendency to be mean:
1. They have often been either treated poorly themselves or been falsely empowered to behave however they’d like with little if any consequences.
2. They often don’t like themselves anymore than they like others.
3. They elevate themselves by putting others down.
4. They will continue to be meaning to those who allow it.
5. They surround themselves with like-minded people or with followers who will do their bidding. They also grow meaner when they have an audience who laughs or encourages their hurtful comments, jokes etc.
6. They are often oblivious of the impact their behavior has on others or simply don’t care about the impact.
The points above are only for you to be able to not take their offensive behaviors personally. Their behavior is about them and not about you although I realize their actions may impact you. Regardless of whether you are on the receiving end of their nastiness or a witness to it, know it’s not about the person being attacked—it’s about the person doing the attacking. Below are several tips for stopping meanness and/or minimally not encouraging it or helping it to grow:
1. Don’t egg them on by laughing at mean-spirited comments, tasteless jokes or heartless teasing.
2. Know that your silence to their meanness sends them the message that you’re okay with them being mean.
3. Know that at any moment you could be on the other side of their poison.
4. Don’t give mean people an audience. Walk away when they’re being meant, call them on it and send a clear message that what they’re doing isn’t cool.
5. Whenever the meanness turns your way stand up for yourself. Don’t cower or silently accept it—even if it happens in public.
6. If you feel yourself cringe due to the way someone is treating someone in front of you, the cringe is a reminder for you to stand up for that person. Do for them what you would want them to do for you if the tables were turned.
7. Don’t think that just because people laugh that what the person said wasn’t hurtful. Sarcasm stings regardless of whether or not it was a good pun.
When it comes to mean comments, sarcastic remarks, bullying and obnoxious behavior the bottom line is if you wouldn’t want people doing it to you then don’t silently watch them do it to others. People who struggle with being mean have a way of pulling others into their “humor.” Remember it’s seldom funny when you’re on the receiving end so don’t laugh when someone else is either. Stand up for yourself when others are being mean to you and don’t silently watch or actively egg on meanness towards someone else.
Challenge: Be determined to not encourage meanness in your presence. Respectfully stand up for yourself and others if someone is being mean and know that a harmless comment is not harmless if someone was hurt by it.