Regardless of whether you love the holidays or dread them, they can be very stressful. Many people are trying to manage work, home, holidays, in-laws, traditions and finances all at once. Under the best of circumstances this can be somewhat daunting. If you’re also the one entertaining, it can be that much harder.
You can make it, however, with minimal damage if you pay attention to the following holiday and entertaining tips:
1. Be yourself—not who you think everyone else wants you to be. If you’re not into the finest china and most beautiful décor, then don’t try to force it. Don’t try to put on a show for others. Play to your strengths and don’t sign up for guilt. If you tend to be more laid back, then have a laid back dinner.
2. Relax and use your boundaries. Remember that other people’s upsets are not always about you. Don’t try so hard to make everyone happy; instead just provide a calm environment in which people can be themselves. Remember that some people love family gatherings while others hate them. If someone in your family’s off by themselves, don’t take it personally. Let them take care of themselves and you take care of yourself.
3. Take it easy on the alcohol. There’s nothing worse than a sloshed relative to ruin a good time. If you’re the one drinking, don’t try to calm your nerves by drowning them in alcohol. Keep your wits about you and keep your drinking to a reasonable level. If you know one of your guests is going to be a big drinker, set a slow pace from the beginning of the gathering. Don’t be quick to jump up to refill their glass. When you do refill it, use less alcohol whenever possible. If necessary, tell them straight: “I think you’ve had enough alcohol for tonight.”
4. Delegate rather than doing it all yourself. If your family is the one entertaining, make sure your entire family is helping. Don’t take on the entire load yourself out of duty or obligation. If you want to be in control of it all—that’s one thing. But if you don’t, then don’t be. Be clear about what you are and are not willing to do. Delegate the things you don’t want to do to other family members. Be clear about this process prior to agreeing to entertain.
5. Do not overspend if your finances are a stressor. It is not helpful to you or your family to financially stretch yourself so it looks like everything is fine. Know what you can afford and stick to that budget. It is perfectly fine to ask others to bring a dish and share the load. It is also okay to say you can’t entertain at your house this year, but would be happy to bring a dish to someone else’s house.
The most important thing for you to remember is that the holidays are really about relationships. Take the shoulds out of the picture. What do you want to do? Focusing on what others want you to do leads to resentment. If you are the primary entertainer, stop trying to be everything for everyone else and pay attention to your voice as well. If your partner will be the primary entertainer, then step up and offer help. Remember, holidays are about relationships. Come into the holiday season as a team and have each other’s back. Also have your own back—guilt free!
CHALLENGE: This holiday season, commit to taking on only what you know you can handle. Ask for help from those around you and stop worrying about all the pomp and circumstance and instead focus on relationships. Your loved ones should love you with or without the fine china. Have a very Happy Thanksgiving!