Well, I did it; I survived “Survivors”. Looking back, I’m not sure what was more powerful, doing my own work, or witnessing the work of others — both we’re amazing. I’m slowly taking in the experience as each day passes. It seems as though each day I’m more mindful of the shifts I feel as a result. I feel more relaxed, confident and at peace with myself, all of which, I’m hopeful will stay with me for a long time to come.
It’s interesting how much resistance I often get from clients when I ask about their family of origin. Many don’t want to “go there”. The reasons vary: some think their past was great; some think it’s too painful; some struggle with feeling disloyal to their parents; and some just think it’s a waste of time and they want to move forward.
What this workshop confirmed for me is the difficulty inherent in moving forward if you have never addressed the past. I was made aware of not only the major ways our past impacts our present (e.g. abusive relationships, addictions, co-dependence etc.), but also the unending subtle ways it affects us (e.g. procrastination, self-sabotage, perfectionism etc.). If we refuse to address issues from our family of origin, these issues will become a life sentence for us, impacting every day of our future.
Looking at the past doesn’t mean we are bashing our parents. I believe that many parents, if not most, did the very best they could with the tools they were taught. And, often that was not enough. As children we take in our parents’ energy, messages (no matter how subtle or overt) and beliefs. We then bring these messages into our adulthood without realizing how damaging they may be. Subsequently, unless we look at them and heal them, we will continue to pass them on from one generation to the next.
This was one of the most powerful workshops I have ever attended. I believe it can be helpful for almost anyone who is struggling in any area of his/her life; do your own work so your children won’t have to do it for you.
Challenge: Begin to look at the unhealthy behaviors you are using currently and see if you can trace them back to your family of origin. If you rage, accommodate, are passive-aggressive etc., who did you learn that from? What messages were you given that fed into your feelings of self-worth? Be open to looking at the past as a way of opening doors into your future.
Note: For more information about Survivors take a look at The Meadows website: www.themeadows.org