“Refuse to excuse rage, dismissiveness, shaming, emotional abuse, or poor treatment—by anyone—including yourself. Do no harm, allow no harm to be done.”
What you turn a blind eye to grows. Too many people let far too many things go due to fear of conflict, not wanting to be “mean, or not wanting to rock the boat. Uncompromising safety, though, is paramount to any healthy relationship. If you don’t have uncompromising safety, then you do not have a healthy relationship.
Uncompromising safety within your relationship means that both partners can trust that they can have difficult conversations, be upset about any interactions, or share any emotions without fear of retaliation, harm, aggression, verbal attacks, emotional shaming, etc. There is a clear line in your home between being upset versus being harmful, scary, or reactive.
In concrete terms, being emotionally safe means there is no swearing, name-calling, put-downs, yelling, intimidations, threats, passive-aggressive jabs, or pro-longed emotional shutdowns. In addition, there is certainly never any physical touch done in anger (pushing, shoving, throwing things, etc.). Uncompromising safety is a prerequisite for trust. Trust is a prerequisite for genuine connection in any relationship and certainly for emotional intimacy in romantic partnerships.
When uncompromising safety is a foundational principle in a relationship, if someone does cross a line in anger (everyone’s imperfect), then the person takes accountability for their actions and does whatever they can to repair the hurt. If you cross the line, then you do the same. The bottom line is you’re responsible for how you show up in your relationships and how you allow others to show up for you.
Challenge: Never compromise when it comes to emotional and physical safety in any relationship in your life. You are responsible for always being safe to others-even in times of anger or upset, and others are responsible to do the same. Don’t ever compromise when it comes to your safety. Speak up, set limits, follow through, and walk away from relationships that harm you.