Because today is my birthday, I thought I’d write about self-care. I’m happy to report that today has been a great self-care day. I was treated to breakfast and presents in bed (a family tradition), a day of shopping and a nice lunch. Aaah, I feel rested and much more able to be present for my family when they return home.
So often in life, we’re running around so fast that we forget to slow down and enjoy the little things in life. When we slow down, it allows calm to set in. Calm is great for relationships. Pausing long enough to feel some calm is great for us to do for ourselves and for us partners to do for one another.
Below are tips to help with the self-care; dare to pause and integrate some of these tips into your everyday lives.
SELF-CARE:
• Take time off. Whether it’s for your birthday, mental health or physical health, learn to take a break. If you work, schedule some free time occasionally—that’s why ALL companies provide vacation days. Companies know that if you’re burned out, you’re not helping them as best you can. If you’re work is at home managing the children and the household, get some respite. You should not be working 24/7 anymore than your spouse should be at the office 24/7. Stop the guilt and TAKE TIME OFF.
• Treat yourself. Think about all the things you like to do, have, experience etc., and commit to treating yourself at least once a quarter. These can be lunches with friends, a day at a spa, a body massage, a movie, a walk in the park, a glass of wine with a dear friend etc. What you do is not important; doing it–is.
• Be kind to yourself. Watch how you treat yourself. Make sure you are not berating yourself with your words, ignoring your instincts or accepting poor treatment from anyone under any conditions. If you don’t take good psychological care of yourself no one else will I assure you. Be determined to step up for YOU and stop putting yourself down or allowing others to do the same. Remember that your playing small does not serve you…or help your relationships.
• Learn to say NO. Stop trying to be nice, wanting to be liked or being a martyr. Say no when you need to. If you don’t know when you need to then do not say yes unless you’ve given yourself 24 hours to think about the decision. Take the 24 hours to determine if it’s in your best interest to say yes or if you would be saying yes for all the wrong reasons (guilt, wanting to be liked, feeling bad for saying no, thinking you should be able to do everything). Say no and feel the freedom in that one word.
The bottom line is: when we take care of ourselves, we are more present for our relationships. Doing everything for everyone else in your life and putting yourself last will result in resentment. You may not feel it today or even tomorrow, but one day if you don’t start taking care of yourself, you will feel that resentment like a tidal wave. Put yourself first so you are more centered, positive and present in your relationships with others.
CHALLENGE: If you struggle with putting yourself first, give yourself permission to fix this. Choose one of the tips above and commit to incorporating it into your life from now on. Notice what happens as a result to you and your relationships.