This week’s headlines regarding Nancy Cooper’s murder has led me to write this post. Nancy
I receive several e-mails from women involved in either physically abusive or emotionally abusive relationships. Often these women talk about their struggle to leave or their wish for things to change. They cling to this idea that their partner will come to his senses and all of a sudden see the error of his ways and no longer be abusive.
I have yet to see this happen. In fact one truth I know is: wishing the relationship will change, will never change the relationship.
Abusive relationships seldom, if ever, end on a positive note. From Rachel Entwistle, to Laci Peterson, to countless other women all over the world, women are being killed by their boyfriends and/or husbands every day; in many of these relationships, the children are also being killed.
Women often do everything they can to keep their partners calm. They stay, hoping tomorrow will be better. They try to do what he wants, keep him calm, avoid any disagreements, be a “good wife” and on and on.
Rather than trying to calm their partner and keeping him from being violent, women have to work on themselves and get the strength to walk away. Staying in an abusive relationship is, in itself, abusive.
Women stay out of fear, misguided loyalty, dependency, and a thousand other unhealthy reasons. They never stay however, without a cost…
Every day women stay they chip away at their self-esteem. Everyday they take the abuse they teach their children to take the abuse or to became an abuser. Everyday they stay…they risk becoming another statistic.
If you are in an abusive relationship, I want you to understand that the abuse is not about you. It’s about your partner…period. Your partner would be abusive with anyone he was with. It’s not about what you do or don’t do, how you dress, or act, or any other thing he blames on you. Your partner abuses you because…HE’S ABUSIVE. Period.
Everyday you choose to stay and wish for change, you put your life and the life of your children or loved ones at risk. I pray for your sake and theirs that neither of you become a statistic as a result of your choice.
CHALLENGE: If you’re in an abusive situation get help so you can become strong enough to better protect your self and your children; your life and theirs depends on it.