Another one bites the dust; it seems as though the politicians in this country are dropping like flies. Whether it’s a heterosexual affair with an intern, a gay affair with another man, or string of sexual indiscretions with prostitutes, things are heating up in the political world.
Unfortunately it is not only the offending individuals who are paying the price.
The ripple effect of these betrayals is enormous, touching the lives of the spouses, children, colleagues, employees, and our entire political system. The spouses are devastated, the children ridiculed and teased, employees are forced to clean out their offices while the next political target comes in, and the faith in our Nations’ political system is shaken once again.
The behavior of one, impacts the lives of many…
It’s no surprise that the ones closest to the offenders typically are the ones who suffer the most. The wives of these men, for example, have to deal with not only the knowledge that their husband cheated on them, but they then are asked to go on stage and stand by their man while he apologizes to America for his “indiscretions”; an apology that is often more about saving his political aspirations than anything else.
If the media coverage of the detailed sexual encounters isn’t humiliating enough, the public apology–with wife close at hand–is downright shameful. These men have the gall to burn their family’s house down and then ask their wives to help them put out the fire. When I see this on TV the last thing I’m thinking is he must be a great guy to have his wife still be with him. In fact, I’m thinking that he’s a totally selfish, arrogant, entitled man who doesn’t have the fortitude to clean up his own messes and try to do whatever he can to keep his wife protected from the media circus he created. Asking his wife to come on stage with him is just another selfish act among a string of many…and yet the women take it.
I believe that as long as women take abuse, it will continue. As long as women settle for less than they deserve, they will get it. And as long as women don’t fight for respectful and cherishing relationships–they will never have them. Women cannot expect to have others treat them better than the women treat themselves.
If you are in a relationship where someone has hurt you, do not run to them to heal their wounds…you’re helping the wrong wounded individual! Stop and lick your own wounds. Take care of yourself first and allow your partner to sit in the wake of his mess. He’s a grown man who has made very hurtful choices that have greatly impacted you. Do NOT try to help him feel better about hurting you–that’s crazy.
Believe it or not, this kind of behavior is toxic to you, him, AND your children. Learn to treat yourself with respect and watch others begin to treat you with the same. It starts with you.
CHALLENGE: Remember “Changing Me, Changes We.” Begin to treat yourself the way you want others to treat you. If someone hurts or betrays you, let them know in a moderate and firm way that it’s not okay for them to do that. Be clear that you are hurt and take the time you need to figure out what you want. Do not try to be nice so they feel better; that will only lead to more of the same hurts.
So glad to hear someone speak up for Spritzers wife, my heart went out to her as I saw the hurt and pain on her face. Do you think she could be standing up for him for the sake of her children, three very impressive girls, until she figures out what is best for them? Would her daughters understand at this point if she didn’t stand by their dad? He definitely dropped the ball in so many ways and has no business letting her put herself out like that. What an example of false empowerment. Wouldn’t it be lovely if little by little as individuals value themselves enought to not be abused this went to the larger scale of work place and government to create a n authentic community? Carol
LISA’s REPLY: There are probably many reasons she’s chosen to stand up there not the least of which is shock and just going through the motions until she can collect her thoughts. It takes a great deal of strength to tell the powers that be that she will not stand on stage with him; this strength is difficult to possess when you’re shaken to your core.
Regarding her girls, I’ve often seen children lose a lot of respect for their mothers when they don’t stand up to poor treatment, so this one may backfire on her if she was doing it for the children (especially with adolescent children).
Whether or not Mrs. Spitzer accompanies her husband to his media conferences is, of course, Mrs. Spitzer’s decision. One problem is that the wife is often in so much shock that she just does what the politician’s PR people ask her to do. The wife of the New Jersey governor has written that she was asked to appear with her husband at a press conference and only found out the topic — that he was gay — when she was handed her husband’s statement just before the cameras rolled. Frankly, it seems that these women are being used as “respectability appearance” props just in the most sensitive times of their lives. They had no role in their husbands offenses and t seems shameful to use them in this way.
Whatever the reasons are that she has chosen to stand up publicy, we will never know unless if she ,
a. writes a book
b. goes on with Barbara Walters or Diane Sawyer to tell her story. We also do not know what goes on behind closed doors, i am sure she is suffering every day , the embarrassment alone is enough. We should all agree that what has happened to her and her family is terrible and that her husband is exactly what Lisa has said he is, selfish, entitled and so on.
Let’s hope for the sake of their three daughters she doesn’t accept this and monves on so that they are able to witness and then model a strong woman that stands up for herself and not a woman that stands by a man unless if he seeks serious treatment for his sex addiction. It will be a long road no matter which road she chooses.
Sorry for not having responded in such a long time – have been going through some major life hurdles this past year.
I felt so bad for Spitzer’s wife and the horrible way he treated her and his family. She, Dana McGreevey and other publicly humiliated spouses deserve much better treatment and respect than that. Granted, she was dealt a deep blow and had difficulty reacting. The only way to recover from this is for an immediate divorce and for the wife and kids to get counseling to undo the damage. I hope she and her kids move on to recover, and never have to deal with this much abuse of trust, embarassment and hurt ever again. Those egregious choices Spitzer made in cheating on his wife and lying to his family have ruined his family’s lives. It will take years for all of them to recover from the damage.