There are many individuals who are self-proclaimed workaholics and many more who won’t admit it, yet are workaholics just the same. Families struggling to find balance is therefore not at all uncommon. We need to pay our bills, want to advance in our careers and would like to have a stable family. Is it possible to have it all?
Finding balance in work and family, as all of us know, is difficult. A healthy balance starts with setting our priorities right — family and relationships first, work second. Choose any other order and you are unlikely to have that stable family you had hoped for.
For all those who struggle with working too much, though, making this shift in priorities and then aligning your life with that shift, is a smaller change than you might think. The hardest change is being deliberate about your choices and your actions. The concrete action steps are surprisingly easy to implement once your mind is on board with your purpose. Below are several tips for creating a balance between home and work.
1. Listen: When you’re home, listen to your children and spouse as though you care about what they are telling you. This is true regarding their sharing the story of their day as well as their complaining about what you’re doing. The best way to know if your work is out of balance is through your family. They will say: “You’re always on the phone/computer.” “You always work.” “You never play with us.” If you’re hearing these phrases, you are out of balance. Listen before you lose your family.
2. Be conscious: Pay attention to all the ways you tune out and — stop it. Do you shake your head to pretend you’re listening while you’re checking your texts or e-mail? Do you say hello when you enter your home or just unconsciously enter and go about your business? Do your loved ones greet you or not even notice you? Take a moment to demarcate the shift from work to home—actively greet your family.
3. Be present: When you are in the home, be present — don’t just be a body. Interact, speak and share about your day. Help with your family. Give baths, tuck the children in, clear the dishes and do your part. You are a parent and a partner — make sure you’re acting like both.
4. Shut off technology: You do not need to have technology on 24/7. There must be technology-free sacred times. If you’re having dinner, don’t leave the table to talk with someone else. Show your family they are a priority by guarding your family time. Trust me, your family will notice.
5. Schedule active playtime: It does not take hours to show your children they’re important. Often it only takes 15 minutes of truly being present with them for them to feel your love and their importance. Go outside and throw a ball before you sit down to answer e-mails. Play a game before you make a call. Make time.
6. Include family in business travel decisions. If you have options about when to travel and whether or not to hook two trips together or make one long trip—talk to your children and your spouse and ask what would be easier for them. When you ask for their thoughts, they feel you care. Also, spend a little extra quality time with them before any trip.
Remember that providing for your family is not your only job as a parent. Teach your children that work should add to your life, not be your life. Show your family they are the most important thing in your life and know this will come back to you a hundredfold.
Challenge: Creating balance is not about the quantity of time spent in any one place, it’s about the quality spent in every place. Be present when you’re home, make time for your family consistently and include them in your life—physically, spiritually and emotionally.
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Of course it is also important to balance your time in work and home and most of all don’t spend to much of your time in your work, you still need time for your family.