Arch Manning, Steve Sarkisian, and the silence that shapes a culture
“I’ve seen a few AI edits of stuff, but that’s about it. I saw an AI edit of Sark’s interview. Have y’all seen that one? That’s a good one. Of him slapping Holly Rowe? It’s hilarious.” ~ Arch Manning
How many men were in that room and laughed with that 22-year-old quarterback making fun of a meme of his coach slapping a female reporter?
How many players shared the meme thinking it was awesome?
And how many people are responding to the backlash of all this by saying:
- LOL, “boys will be boys”
- “Omg, it’s a damn joke. The radical left is going to turn our boys into a bunch of girls! They need to shut up and learn to take a damn joke!”
The Texas Longhorns have these foundational pillars listed in their locker room:
- Honesty
- Treat Women with Respect
- No Stealing
- No Weapons/Guns
- No Drugs
“The lowest level of behavior that you tolerate is what your culture is.” ~ Adam Grant
Steve Sarkisian didn’t create that meme of him slapping a woman. However, when someone posts a meme of you slapping a woman, that’s your moment to show character and leadership. How about responding with:
“I’m appalled that people are creating memes of me slapping a woman. This goes against everything I stand for and everything I try to teach the young men under my watch. I don’t find it funny, harmless, or remotely okay.”
Instead: silence.
Silence speaks louder than any words on a locker room wall.
Silence, though, is more the norm throughout our world than not. Whether it’s staying silent about a meme or staying silent about a crime, the fact is that most people stay silent.
Silence shows any group, team, or culture what will be tolerated. What is tolerated becomes the norm. The norm becomes the culture — in your home, on your team, and in the world.
Coach Steve Sarkisian’s silence normalizes violence against women. His silence embodies a “boys will be boys” culture. No matter how many signs he has on the locker room wall, or how many “Culture Wednesdays” he leads with his players, without direct, swift, and clear accountability for actions that go outside the team’s spoken “values,” the culture he professes will not be the culture he creates.
Because culture is created through accountability.
Most toxic behaviors can be traced back to a trend where offenses, aggressions, and harmful behaviors were ignored, brushed off, or minimized.
- The cheating husband today was the “player” of yesterday who bragged about his conquests and cheating… who all along the way people failed to hold accountable.
- The volatile CEO was the raging teen, boisterous co-worker, intimidating boss… who all along the way people failed to hold accountable.
- The mean girl in the office was the mean girl on the playground, in middle school, and in high school… who all along the way people failed to hold accountable.
- The r*pist today was the inappropriate 6th grader, sexist jerk in high school, college sexual harasser… who all along the way people failed to hold accountable.
- The criminal leader today was the shady boss, back-deals “friend,” threatening opponent… who all along the way people failed to hold accountable.
Without accountability in personal relationships, harmful interactions become more frequent and relationships weaken or break down. Lack of accountability on teams and in companies leads to distrust, toxic work environments, high turnover, and poor company performance.
And on the world stage, this same lack of accountability lets the worst behaviors of humanity flourish, creating a dangerous culture for everyone except those shielded by the very damage they’re causing.
Challenge:
Accountability is the backdrop for any healthy culture — no matter how big or small.
- If you want a healthy home, it starts with holding every member in that home accountable for their behavior.
- If you run a company and a healthy culture is a key value for you, only promote those with character and hold everyone at every level accountable for behaviors that are harmful to anyone in that culture.
- And in the world, if you want a safe, thriving world, refuse to turn a blind eye to the harmful behavior of anyone in that culture — especially those at the top.
Holding those you love, work with, or see accountable is a courageous act — and it’s one more of us need to learn and do if we have any hope of creating a world where all of us can thrive.
