Have you ever had that nagging feeling that something just wasn’t right? Perhaps you feel anxious about your partner’s drinking or worried your partner’s pulling away or… (fill in the blank). All you know is that you’re not happy with this “thing”, yet every time you bring it to your partner’s attention, they deny it.
After a while, you decide to just let it go.
The only problem is…it comes back.
That anxiety about your partner’s drinking turns into a nightmare of their drunkenness. Your partner’s denial of pulling away turns into their hidden affair. You’re sense of needing more from this relationship turns into you getting your emotional needs met outside the relationship. Whatever the issue was that you talked yourself into dropping, inevitably comes back to haunt you. You didn’t trust your instincts and now you end up paying the price.
We all have a very wise inner voice that sees what’s really going on. This voice knows what you don’t want to hear. It also knows what you need to hear. The trick is to quiet your fears, anxieties and panic, enough to listen. Ignoring the voice does not erase the issue. It buries them–only to have them rise at a later date, bigger and stronger than ever before.
Whether you’re ignoring your partner’s drinking, lies, aloofness, violence, disrespect, overspending or (fill in the blank), know that it is highly likely to come back. You’re inner voice is an eye opener when you choose to listen to it. It’s a gift when you also choose to act on it.
CHALLENGE: Tune in to what your inner voice is telling you about your relationships. Don’t dismiss it, explain it away or ignore it. Instead, have the courage to face it head on and take any actions that you know in your gut are the right actions to take; even if this means creating tension in your relationship.
I stayed in a relationship with my x husband for almost three years. Although my inner voice was telling me to let go, I could not think of my life without him in it. Most of our relationship was based on good sexual chemistry. I finally said good-bye to him and although I do miss him it gets easier everyday. I have a peace knowing I listened to my inner voice and did what needed to be done. Now I can get on with living my life. I feel like a weight has been lifted.
thanks, donna
I have learned that when your body is talking to you you need to listen. It took me years to understand that my inner voice was the healthiest member of the relationship and was giving me good advice. I rejected this advice because I thought if I were patient enough, kind enough, etc. things would work out. Of course this was me giving bad advice. Surprise! After 23 years I finally came to the conclusion that my relationship was a toxic one and was making me literally sick. Now at the age of 52 I am happy to put into practice the things my inner voice is telling me, and I have become a much better listener. I am so happy to read this column because I am affirmed often and it is helping me to become the best me I can. Thank you.
I subscribe (I mean I completely agree). I should’ve acted sooner Because my inner voice was already talking to me. Only I was still hoping he’d change, start realising respect is important in any relationship and is something we could not have lived without. I felt disrespected, my friends were less important than his (aka. “you don’t really have friends” – although i did, and do)… Girls, I think I should’ve drawn some limits when being “understanding” with his needs. After all, I had ones too.
Take a guess… We broke up because HE was unhappy. He said his needs weren’t met anymore and doesn’t want to go on with the relationship any longer.
The thing is I had already been unhappy myself for a while (our relationship had lasted 1 year and 7 months), and I had been feeling the signs 6 months earlier.
So… maybe I should’ve brought things up more seriously earlier, even if we would’ve broken up earlier. I may have sufferred, just as I did later, but… I would’ve spared myself sooner, and maybe done ourselves a favor, maybe woken him up earlier. Cause now he’s starting to do “the right things”, the things he should’ve taken care of a long time ago.
So… I liked your article. Thanks for giving me the chance to thank you, and post a comment.
Yours,
emma