One man has been having an affair for several months. When his wife questioned him, he admitted to the affair and told her there was nothing she could do about it. He subsequently went away every weekend with his mistress with no shame or remorse. Upon his return home after each weekend, he would frequently speak to his lover on the phone in front of his children. Obviously his children soon began to question him. When asked what he thought the impact of his behavior was on his children, he said he was certain “they would get over it and be fine.”
Another couple has been swinging for the past two years and is upset that their children found out. The children are repulsed and not speaking to either of their parents. While still a third couple has been swapping partners with their close friends on Saturday nights. Shockingly (sarcasm here) the husband found out his wife and best friend have been having an affair outside of the Saturday “swaps”.
I could go on with endless stories, but you get the picture. Couples are becoming more and more promiscuous with little remorse. In fact, many swingers, cheaters and porn addicts are justifying their positions. Some people say humans aren’t meant to be monogamous, several say they’re unhappy in their marriages and they deserve to be happy, others say they have a high need for sex and on and on.
I don’t care what excuse you give or how you justify your indiscretions, the bottom line is you’re off. If you’re unhappy in your marriage—work it or leave it. If you are highly sexual and feel the need to have more than one partner—stay single and DON’T have kids. If you don’t believe humans are meant to be monogamous—then don’t get married.
Our culture has become a hotbed of selfishness and lack of integrity. People are being sexual outside their marriages (swinging, swapping, affairs, etc.) because they want to be. They want the rush of a new relationship. They want the intensity of sex without the strings or commitment of marriage.
The problem isn’t that people want this thrill. After all, who doesn’t want the exhilaration of a new relationship? Who isn’t attracted at some time in their marriage to someone else? The problem is that people think that because they want something they have to have it. They don’t bother to think about the repercussions their decisions will have on the other people in their lives. The children “will get over it,” their spouse was a “b*tch/bastard,” their best friend didn’t treat their spouse as s/he deserved to be treated anyway…and so on.
Many adults think they deserve to have “it”—whatever “it’ may be. Give me a break. We are no longer two-year-olds, incapable of controlling our impulses. Thinking it’s okay to have whatever you want is called selfishness. If you wanted to do whatever you wanted to do, then you should’ve stayed single.
Once you committed to marriage or had children, you were held to a higher standard. Now your actions no longer impact just you. Your children learn from you, are impacted by you and suffer the consequences of your actions, no matter how much you try to explain, justify or cover them up. I don’t care what excuse you use to try to convince yourself and others that what you’re doing is okay. The wisest part of you, and everyone around you, knows it’s not.
Every human being has to deal with the same temptations you do. How each person deals with these temptations is what determines our character. These choices also determine the legacy we create and pass down to our children.
If you really care about your children—think about what legacy you’re creating with every decision you make. Make sure your actions align with the legacy you hope your children will continue. Stop thinking you’re entitled to behave however you’d like with no repercussions. There are plenty of repercussions when it comes to sexual promiscuity—to you and your family. Stop minimizing the impact of your choices on others. You and your family deserve better.
CHALLENGE: If you are caught up in a sexually promiscuous lifestyle, stop justifying your actions and start looking at them. If you were being honest, what would be the consequences of your choices on your loved ones? Are you in this lifestyle because you want to be or because you feel pressured to be or…? If you decide you want this lifestyle, then get single…and figure out a way to explain this to your children if you have them.